TEETH!!!

Well actually more like TOOTH! So today I was working from home because the dummy that I am, I left my keys in the car last night... locked. And Junior, with the other set, was already at work in the hospital. So he couldn't leave to help me out especially since he took the bus. Sooo... long story short, I ended up staying home and working from home. But that is besides the point! The point is... I was playing with Toni and making her laugh. And she was smiling and all and I looked in and what is that? It's a tooth!!!!! Well it's not all the way out, but it has broken surface! It's on the bottom, in the front left side. yay!!! I was hugging and kissing her like she just won a million bucks! hahaha! But then a little reality set in and aww... my baby is growing up!

Also I got this new thing for Toni. Well it's kind of for me too. It's a spoon that is designed to hold baby food in it so when you feed her, you jsut squeeze the handle a bit and it loads the spoon with food. OMG! It's one of the best things invented!!! It's mess free and so easy! And I find Toni eats more b/c the food is ready as soon as she swallows. Sometimes I think she gets bored waiting for the next spoonful (i know... impatient) and then just doesn't want to eat anymore. This way, it was ready. yay!!! I suggest any moms about to start solid feeding get this! I got mine at Babies R Us and it's by Boon.

Thrush Part II

She didn't actually get it again... it never really went away. But that is my concern... that it hasn't gone away. It's not bad at all... and it sometimes seems like it's gone. But every now then it appears. So I don't think it ever went away. WELL... so I do some research online about it (as always) and I find that it's probably b/c I am still nursing her. I knew that it could be passed back and forth, but dummy me... I thought maybe if I had it I would have white patches around and I don't. Well as it turns out, they say that if you are breastfeeding and your baby has thrush and you aren't sure you have it there are some symptoms. 1)If you have been feeding for months or weeks comfortably and all of a sudden it hurts or you are sore you can have it. So... I do experience that so CHECK. 2)If you are dry, cracked and or sore... CHECK 3)If you are itchy... CHECK 4)If you have shooting pains inside... nope thank God! So.... 3 out of 4... yeah I think I have it which may be why hers never went away completely... we're just passing it back and forth. I also read that mom and baby should be treated at the same time. Great. Would've been good to know that before hand! Fortunately, I can use the same cream prescribed to her for her diaper area on me. In terms of breastfeeding, I can still breast feed but then I'd have to give her medicine right after and I'd have to wash up and medicate myself after... or pump. I opted to pump. And actually since I'm weaning her and down to only about once or twice a day, maybe this will wean her completely. I don't know. So she seems to be doing better. I haven't really seen it the last couple of days so that's great! Me? Still dry and itchy but I know eventually that will get better too.

Post Christmas

WOW! All I have to say is Toni's first christmas was a success!!! Well that's not all I have to say really... hence the blog. But it was a total success! However, our home has now been taken over by toys galore. I kid you not. I keep saying it'll get better after the holidays when the tree is gone and we'll have more room... but I really don't think it'll be THAT much better. I think she has enough toys to last her until she's two or three years old. My worry... if this is what Christmas was like for her... I'm scared to see what her birthday will be like. YIKES!

But nevertheless, it was still successful! And she loved all her toys! I was worried she wouldn't really play with any of them or some of them but she does. The kitchen we got her, she likes! All the different sounds it makes, things it says, music it plays... it's great. And she's learning! Well all of her toys are learning toys really. The cookie jar, plays with it everyday. The drums... perfect! She slams on that thing and it plays music! I'm still trying to motivate her to crawl but I don't think she likes being on all fours very much. She got this learning table that you can sit on the floor or add the legs and it's a little table. Well today it was in table mode, and she was trying to pull herself up. So I'm not sure which will come first for her... crawling or walking.

My brother Neil got her this car thing... it's not a toy car but it's set up like one so that if she plays with it lying down, the "dashboard" is hanging overhead so she can reach it and there are "pedals" that trigger the music and lights to play. Or you can do it so she's sitting down. She plays with it more sitting down, but her feet don't reach yet in that position. That gets her attention a lot! She also got this 'Oh MCDonald' toy from either Rachelle (Junior's cousin) or Junior's aunt and uncle. I can't remember they gave her so much I'm not sure which is from which. She plays with that everyday too. Rachelle also got her this ABC train... yeah... honestly we haven't opened it yet b/c we don't know where we have the space for it! hahaha... but maybe after the tree is gone... I'm sure she'll love that too. Here's the crazy part. She got TWO rocking horses this christmas. What're the odds?!?! One is a more tradtional kind, so cute! It's funny b/c at my friend Jamuna's house, her son has one and when Toni saw it she was in awe. Funny how she got one. That one she got from Romel (Junior's cousin). The other one she got from Junior's aunt and uncle. This one is by Radio Flyer and it rocks and bounces. It's kind of neat too b/c it has an infant seat to attach to the horse so she doesn't fall off. That's not even all she got. Just the big things. Whew! But she's happy and learning so that's all that matters. The best part? Rachelle got Junior and I a flip video... so we can record EVERYTHING Toni does and I can upload it to my blogs!!! yay!! So here's a little montage to enjoy!

Toni and Santa

How could I forget?? Well I know, my brain has gone to mush since pregnancy. ANYWAY, here's Toni's first picture with Santa! My brother's company had this kids fun day where they had Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus and a whole bunch of activities. So my brother invited me to take Toni there to take a picture with Santa Claus since 1) I could avoid the lines at the mall and 2) it was free! So I went and her picture was perfect! The first couple of shots they took she kind of just sat there expressionless. And everyone was like awww.. so cute... yay... and then she started to smile and that is this shot. yay!!! I have another GREAT picture from her school where they dressed her as a reindeer. OMG! She is THE CUTEST EVER!!! I still need to scan that one!

Pppbbbbttttt!

Yes.... it's 1:45am and I'm awake... WIDE WAKE. That's what happens when you put the baby to sleep at 8:30p... and then fall asleep. Mind you, I'm on this four hour thing where I am not able to sleep for more than four hours at a time. It sucks but that is the reality.

Anyway, Toni's new stuff. So she recently has aquired some new acts. The picture above explains it all. She's found her tounge... maybe still finding it and has learned to Pppbbbttt! It's cute, it really is except that a lot of spit comes with it. haha... What's worse is when she's nursing and mid way decides she wants to ppbbtt. It's all over me. Little squirt. But it's pretty cool b/c if you do it first a couple times, she will follow... which is very exciting to me b/c she can try to copy you! So MAYBE she'll try to copy me when I say MA. yes... I'm still working on that one... dammit.

She's also aquired a bit of an attitude. Don't get me wrong, she is still very much so the sweet baby girl you know (if you know) but sometimes if you take something away from her that she did NOT want you to take away, she can throw a fit. It's like her world is ending! For example... this past Friday she had her second round for the flu shot, WHICH she did very well, and so the doctor let her have a lollipop. Ok... so the last time she got shots she picked a blue one out of the candy tin. That was sucha bad color for a drooling baby. So this time as long as she didn't pick blue i was fine. She picked red. Not a good idea either... for future reference. ANYWAY, so we let her have her lollipop and was she enjoying it!!! The first time she had it at her 6 months appointment, she had a few licks and was un interested which was great for me b/c the blue... yeah. THIS time at 7 months, she was really into that damn dum dum. So she was enjoying it and it was getitng smaller and smaller when it I thought, what if it breaks in her mouth? She can't chew those pieces much less swallow those sharp edges. So I decided to take it from her. Can I say, WOW? Holy crap. She cried so hard she had one of those silent cries that ended with a huge breath followed by another loud cry. She was quite unhappy... and that's an understatement. Another time, she was opening a Christmas gift from Junior's boss. It was wrapped and so we started an edge for her so she can rip the rest off.... which she did, but as e expected she was more into the paper than the toy it wrapped. I don't care if she plays with the paper, but she still likes to put everything in her mouth. So the paper went into her mouth and as it soaked and started to create pieces, I, again, decided that was enough of that. Don't want her swallowing small pieces of wrapping paper. And again, she cried and cried despite the new toy she just got. Luckily she can still be easily distracted so as soon as I got the toy out and showed her she stopped crying... but how long will that work?

Since we're on the topic of toys... and this is going to be Toni's first Christmas... Junior and I... well maybe more I, have gone a bit crazy for her. We got her one BIG gift, a couple regular gifts and some stocking stuffers. hehe... Junior was good with the one big gift and one regular gift... I just felt we weren't done. I mean hey... it's her first Christmas!!! Junior did make a good point though. What if someone else gets her something we got her? Well, that is why I keep ALL receipts until after Christmas... just in case. So anyway, what'd we get her you ask? Well for her BIG gift we got her the Fisher Price Kitchen. I'm really excited about that one! Sounds like it might be too old for her but it's actually geared towards 6-36 months. So thankfully that toy should last her a while. I can't wait for her to play with it! We also got her this cookie jar that talks when you put in different shaped "cookies" and colors and this musical drums that lights and plays music AND when put together can roll to motivate baby to crawl! I'm excited about that one too! Some stocking stuffers... links, hair bands, bibs, teething keys... can't wait! But just watch... she'll be more interested in the boxes and paper!

Thrush

My poor baby has thrush. Apparently it's due to the antibiotics she had to take for her illness a couple of weeks ago. It also called the spots in her diaper region which I initially thought was a diaper rash but would never go away with the diaper rash cream. Fortunately the doctor prescribed some stuff for her so all is good. Plus, Toni never lost her spirit. It's like it didn't even phase her. So that's good!

Poo

Oh my how far I've fallen behind! I guess it hasn't been THAT long but considering how much she's changed since I last blogged... seems like light years. I titled this entry Poo and you'll see why later. But first, let's catch up.

Toni can sit on her own now! She doesn't need pillows to prop her up and she can sit for longer that just a minute before she falls over. In fact, she can reach out for toys with both hand, straighten her back and all that without falling! My, my, my... she is becoming more and more independent every day.

She's not crawling yet, but when she's on her tummy she's a pro. She can lift her upper body all the way up and even on one arm like it's not big deal. She can maneuver herself every which way she pleases. Sometimes she bends her legs and pushes off her feet to move around although she's not on her knees crawling just yet. But I can see she tries. Sometimes it's like she tries to get up on her knee but just isn't able to yet.

Her personality is amazing! She is STILL the happy baby but she has more personality that she did just two weeks ago! She has a voice! Not just that baby voice but a personal sound... her very own voice. She's still pretty easy to please and make laugh and smile but she'll let you know when she FEELS something isn't how she wants it. Not that something is necessarily wrong, but just not right to her. I'll get to that in sec as well.

She's onto solids! Well she's always been on solids but wasn't 100%. Before, she still had a little bit of the tongue reflex where she'd push some of it out of her mouth by reflex. I decided to give it a few days before trying her on solids again since she seemed to push more out than what was going in. She seemed to do ok with the cereal, but with the baby food more came out than going in. So I gave it a few days and then just this past week I decided to try again and she took it like she's been eating that way all along! She LOVED the carrots! Peas, she would tolerate but didn't seem to really care for. Sweet potatoes she seemed to like more than peas, but not as much as carrots. I haven't really given her fruits yet b/c they say that it's best to introduce your baby to veggies first b/c once they taste the sweetness of the fruits they may naver like veggies. Although, there is no real research to back this up, it's one of those that most people recommend... including her doctor. So, I'm playing it safe. No harm in giving veggies first. I've got squash to try and give her and I think there are sweet peas... not sure if that will taste any different than just regular peas. The other day I actually gave her some mashed potatos and she LOVED it! She smiled and wanted more! I was impressed! We also bought these dissovlable puffs that she can eat. They are actually whole grain banana flavored. Really I use it right now to allow her to practice her pincer grasp between the thumb and index finger. She hasn't gotten it quite down but the little puffs help her practice. So really she only has myabe 2 or 3 pieces a day. hahaha! By the time she gets it in her mouth, it's already a little mushy from her licking it and trying to get it in her mouth. But once in there, she chews like you would anything truly solid. And she seems to enjoy it. I think it makes her feel "grown up" just because she stares whenever I eat.

But with solid food comes yes.... solid poo. And it's so disgusting. I SO miss her newborn poops! I used to read that the newborn poops were nice and sweet smelling unlike that of when they start on solids. Well I would always think, there is nothing SWEET about her poop. Well NOW... I think I ALMOST might want to agree with "them." Her poop now is so disgusting. For one, it smells liek mine or yours. Maybe that is TMI (too much info), but you need to understand how disgusting it really is. And it's formed! UGH! So now, she's pooping like you and I do, but it gets all smashed in her diaper in all sorts of crevices.... BLEH! <--- That's me gagging. And I have to say, these diapers are no match for her poo. NO diaper can hold all this poo! It's impossible. The other day was HER worst yet and I PRAY it doesn't get any worse. Wishful thinking? Probably. She'll just have to potty train at 9 months. haha! So She's sitting their playing and mind you her last diaper change was not even an hour ago. And I smell something foul. So I'm like ok, she pooped. My biggest mistake, laying her down on the changing table. But what else was I supposed to do?! When I did that, the poo just creeped all up her back staining her clothes. BLEH! BLEH! BLEH! Mind you she is smiling and laughing like nothing is wrong. Ahhh the innocence. So I pick her up and I'm not even sure what to do at this point. There is crap EVERYWHERE! And the smell is NOT getting better! So I take her straight to the tub. Now I know she can sit by herself, but I don't like to sit her in the big tub my herself b/c I don't want her to fall. And I didn't want to put her in her tub yet b/c well, she's covered in crap. (Yes I suppose at this point the poo has turned into crap.) So here I am with the bath tub faucet on, trying to hold her with one hand and trying to disrobe her with the other. Here's the gross part. She's in a onesie. oh geez it has to go over her head. But I kind of did it smart. I just let the front part go over her hear since the crap was all up and down the back. Ths onesie I throw in the tub too b/c it needs some major TLC. I have her butt just under the faucet... let that water take the crap off! And oh how nasty the water in the tub is. All the while, she's trying to grab the water. So in tuned with the flow of water she isn't aware of the small hell I'm going through. I think when she's a teenager and gives me crap, I'll tell her to read the blog from December 8, 2008 and try giving me crap again. haha! So there is crap floating around the trub TRYING to go down the drain. I ahve to unscrew the plug to allow for a bigger opening in the tub. Remember when I mentioned crevices? Uh yeah. Water doesn't do crevices. So guess who has to. Yes... that would be me. So I am working to remove the crap in her crevices that the water didn't get. When I get to a point where I think she crap free, I put her in her tub to sit while I try to clean out the bigger tub. We always have her tub sitting in out tub. Then I start filling her tub only to learn that I must have missed some crevices. UGH! So I take her back out, try to do the most through cleaning I can. Then while holding her, clean her tub and still clean our tub. Ugh.... I had to basically pre wash her, her tub and our tub before I could begin to bathe her. That was tough and let me tell you I was sweating my ass off. It's hard doing all of that by yourself when even though your most precious thing in the world is growing strong, just not quite strong enough to sit in water without sliding and not strong enough to stand without support. I wanted to shower myself after all that. But of course I couldn't. Can't really leave her for too long unstil she's sleeping. Where was Junior during all this? Work. Lucky ass.

So anyway, back to her new eating habits. The puffs that we bought her come in the this tall plastic canister... almost like Pringles but in a plastic canister. Anyway, she always is so interested in the rattling of the puff pieces in the canister. Almost more than trying to eat the puffs itself. There is where we come to an example of her own personality. Before when she was just 3-4 months... maybe even 5 she'd only really cry if she was tired, hungry, uncomfortable or sick. And as expected as that is the only way babies know how to communicate... communicate the basic stuff. Now, she can sit there playing... hear her canister of puffs and cry for it. Not a full out cry, but whine more like. It's crazy. She used to only cry/whine for the basics but now she does it for personal gain? hahah! she's growing. And if she doesn't get it, she will start to get upset. Luckily she can easily be distracted at this age and all I have to do is show her something else interesting and she'll be happy.

So an update on her sickness. Keeping her home that week from daycare realyl paid off because she got much better fast. I worked home tues & wed and had thursday and friday off for thanksgiving. She was well by Thanksgiving so that was really good news! Bad news? Then night before Thanksgiving, I got the stomach flu. I know, right? Off all things to have before the day you are supposed to stuff yourself like there is no tomorrow and I get the stomach flu. Wed around lunch my stomach was hurting really bad. But I thought it was because I hadn't eatn lunch yet. There was a lot of work to be and it was harder, of course, trying to do so with a baby in your lap banging on the laptop. So before I knew it, it was 2-3pm and I hadn't eaten lunch. So I took a small break to do so. stomach still hurt after that but i thought maybe it's just b/c i waited so long to eat it's still recovering.

By dinner time everything I had for lunch, breakfast and probably dinner the night before came out. It was digusting. (The poo situation was still worse.) I waited an hour and I was freaking starving. By this time I logged off a bit early from work wince everyone was logging off anyway and going home early. I ate ONE tortilla chip and drank some water. That and then some (I have no idea where it came from) came out as well. Oh it sucked! So I researched and basically had to wait at least 9 hours before eating ANYTHING. and to keep from dehydrating, I had to drink water but in VERY small amounts to keep from vomiting again. So I basically kept ice cubes in my mouth. I just went to bed to pass the time away. When I got up Thanksgiving day, I could only eat bland foods such as bananas, oatmeal and water. And still slowly. I did not have a realy meal until dinner and even then it was about 7-8pm! Let me tell you that Thanksgiving plate had to be THE BEST PLATE ever! I was so hungry! But I felt my stomach was still recovering so I couldn't got for seconds. And we still had my family to go to and I basically didn't eat. But thank God Thanksgiving leftovers are still damn good! That was really nothing about Toni but I wanted to share. Junior had to work Thanksgiving week and day so while I was feeling gross I still had to take care of my own recovering baby. That's tough too. Sigh... the days when I could just go to bed when I was sick are long gone. I love caring for my Toni. But when sick, it's soo hard! I just wanted to get rest.

This past Saturday Toni had her first picture with Santa! I don't have the pics yet but I hope they come this week. My brother's company brought over a Santa for all the employees and their kids. I got to tag along which was nice. And the pictures are free! AND I didn't have to wait in line at the malls! Even better! I should have taken my own pics while they were doing that but I didn't think too. I did take pics of her at home in her Christmas outfit. She posed for the one with the white blanket over her head. Sometims she does this thing with her eyes were she makes them a bit smaller like she's posing. Already! Then I took her to see my parents, her Mama and Papa. Though I'm sure she sees them all the time and vice versa, I've never taken her to their grave and I really wanted to do that. I think every Christmas I get a little choked up not just b/c my parents are no longer here to spend Christmas with but b/c it reminds me that the night my mom and I were going to go Christmas shopping late at night since the stores were closing at midnight, she had her anuerysm. The last thing she verbally said to me was, "Let's just go tomorrow instead." Every Christmas I think of that and it's tough. But this Christmas is even tougher b/c now I have Toni. And even though December has just started, I've already had several moments. It sucks. And I can't say it enough how much it breaks my heart Toni and my parents will not get to physically enjoy it together. Well and me as well. Me as a parent with my daughter and with my own parents. December 13, 2003 my mom had a brain anuerysm and she fought for one month before passing on January 12, 2004. I think what sucks the most is that my parents were very loving parents. And myn mom especially was very loving.... there really aren't enough words to explain. And so although I love Toni with all my heart and being I possibly can give, she will never know what it's like to be loved my mom and dad. And that really, really sucks. But maybe I'm wrong. She has her moments where she'll stare at the ceiling or off into nowhere and just play and have fun and laugh like she does when she plays with us. Except no one or nothing is in her line of sight. You they say kids/babies are in tune to things we as adults have learned (or unlearned) to see or notice. So I like to believe she's playing with my mom and dad. So maybe I'm wrong and she already knows what it's like to be loved by them. God, I hope so.

6 1/2 Months

So this is a first! A small clip of Toni and I mean small. Blogger won't let me load clips very big. Anyway, I forget my laptop has a built in camera and she was having so much fun on my latptop (well really just banging on it) that I thought, OH! Why don't I record this? duh... so here's a small clip of her. Nice change from just still photos huh?

So what's new? Sheesh. I haven't been able to update this thing it's been so busy for me. Well most recently, Toni got sick last Friday. I picked her up from the school and she was fine, but i noticed that all these kids were coughing. Not a good side. Well as the night progressed, she started to cough. great. And then a little more into the night she was crying... and not just a cry of I'm tired or I'm hungry but a cry that was more like I'm in pain and I hurt. My poor baby. That kind of cry just makes you feel so bad. At around 4am, she had a fever so we gave her some Tylenol but she kept waking up through out the night because her cough was so bad and she had the fever.

Saturday we were supposed to go to a wedding. Well actually, Junior was a groomsmen in the wedding. So early in the morning, we call her doctor to see if he had any suggestions or if he could see her. Well he wants to see her ASAP b/c apparently Respiratory Syncical Virus (RSV) is going around and he wanted to test her for it to be on the safe side since it can become really serious and even fatal. His urgency worried us even more. He opens at 8am and he wanted us there by 8:15-8:30a. We got there by 8:30a (since we only called him by 7:45a and hurried to get dressed and out the door). Mind you, once Toni has waken up and is all dressed, she is still in high spirits just with a cough... a nasty cough. So her being in high spirits comforted me some in that I always feel that being the happy baby she is, if she's not happy then I should really worry that something is seriously wrong. Anyway, we get there and long story short she tests negative for RSV. WHEW! However, her cough was so bad (she's never sounded like this before) that the doctor wanted to treat it as a pneumonia JUST to be on the safe side so that should it get worse, treatment will be on it's way. But in the meantime, he just prescribed her Amoxcillian and said to keep a close eye on her b/c he didn't want it to still become RSV. Basically as he described it, RSV is where the respiratory system is lined with slough that it becomes so difficult for babies to breath and they begin to use their whole body just to take a breath. Well she definitely wasn't doing that, Thank God! Oh and the way they test is they take this quetip like thing and get some of the mucous from their nose and after five minutes it tells you whether they are positive or negative for RSV. Pretty neat. Anyway, so she was ordered to stay home.

So her and I stayed home and had to miss the wedding. :( Junior, of course, had togo to the wedding since he was a groomsmen. Saturday she had a fever off and on and still felt a little bad but for the most part she was in high spirits. So I'm thankful for that.

Now that it's Monday (well technicaltl Tuesday as it's 1:21am), she's doing even better. Still coughing a lot but at least she's not having fevers and her cough sounds more productive than it was. But still she stayed home today. I really don't want to take her back to school until she's really well. Thankfully I'm off Thursday and Friday and my job is allowing me to work from home Tues and Wed. So Toni should be able to recover quite well before having to go back Monday... I hope! I really hope she's ok by Thanksgiving! We'll see. Poor thing. But as you can see in the video, she's in high spirits! Banging away at my laptop.

So last Sunday (not this past but the one before that, Nov. 16) Toni was baptised! I have to say, I'm so proud and happy for her. I mean, I know it's a big thing she get baptised. But once it was all happening I wanted to shed some tears. hahaha... I didn't though. I held my own! haha... but as always she was in high spirits. In fact, when the priest poured the holy water over her head she was chill. The other babies cried and I actually expected her to cry too. But she was more like-whatever. And when the priest would come to put the oil on her she was all smiles. All in all in was a success and we had plenty of family and family friends there to celebrate. :) Once I get those pictures I can post. Can't believe I remembered to charge the camera battery but leave the camer home. DUH. Part of me losing my mind since pregnancy. hahaha... it never came back.

Development. She's come so far it's amazing! She can sit on her own for a few second before she falls over. When we first started practicing her, she would sit for two-three second before she'd fall over and we'd have to position in her in a way so that balancing was easier. This picture is actually when we started practicing her. So she was strategically placed to last a few seconds before she fell. Plus the toy helped out. This pic was only taken two weeks ago, not even. Now we can sit her down without much "molding" and she's sit for a longer period of time before she falls over. She's much more talkative and continues with the BA! I'm still trying to get her to say MA. But everytime I do that she laughs at me. hahaha... oh well. At least there's that.

She's also started to lift her butt up while on her tummy more often and with a little support under her belly she'll get onto her knees. woo hoo! Soon she may be mobile, more so that just rolling toi get around!

Separation Anxiety

I believe Toni is starting to show early signs of separation anxiety and while now it's kind of cool, I'm sure later it won't be. So a few days ago she was playing in her crib and all was well. I was trying to take care of a few things while she played. At one point, I walked by her crib and peeped in to make sure she was ok. She looked up at me, i smiled and she just started crying! I mean she was perfectly fine and then all of a sudden she just started crying. It was almost as if she just remembered that I hadn't been in sight for a few minutes and now that I was there she wanted me. And I admit... I liked it. hahaha... my baby needs me! Why wouldn't I feel great about that? So I picked her up and instantly she was better. That was instance one.

Yesterday when she and I got home after picking her up at the school I had her in her crib again playing while I changed and got settled in. This time I made sure that when I passed by the crib to make sure she didn't see me. So this time she played just fine and didn't cry. Then I got her, and took care of her.... bath feed her, etc. It was still a bit early so I figured she could play a little more. So I set her in her exersaucer and she got right to playing. That was in the living room. I walked over to the kitchen (just a few steps away) but because I was behind the counter she couldn't see me and immediately she started crying. And I don't mean whining type crying. I mean full out balling with the silent but crying pauses. So I went over to her to calm her down and let her know I was there. Basically I had to stay in her sight otherwise she would cry.

So like I said, I believe the beginning of the separation anxiety stage is well under way. Aside from that, she is still the happy baby and loves being around people, especially other kids. In fact this past weekend we had a play date at Kathy's and she was so happy to be around the kids. Ok so she doesn't show it so much in this pic, but she was really happy. I think in this picture she was trying to figure out why all of us were so excited they were all sitting in the same chair. haha... she is all feet in this picture. Anyway, I figure soon enough she will probably hit the stranger anxiety stage as well where anyone she doesn't see regularly will not be able to just hold her like they can now.

She's growing so fast. I mean she HAS been growing fast but the older she gets the more apparent it almost is. Maybe it's just because I'm her mother but this morning she looked a little older already. Today while she was playing in her exersaucer she played a little differently. In addition to her regular play, this time she bounced a lot in her exersaucer. My princess is growing up so fast!

Catch Up

Oh man I'm so behind. Oct. 24, 2008 Toni got her ears pierced! yay!!! I was a bit nervous though. We actually tried to get it done the week before but the person that does the infant piercing wasn't there so we weren't able to get it done then. The popular question... did she cry???? Heck yeah she cried! She cried HARD! BUT... for a short time. She cried while in the store. But by the time I had paid and we walked out, she was done. We even thought, maybe she'll need comforting and we can give her a bottle. So we found a place to sit down and offer it to her, and she didn't need it. She was good. In fact she forgot it was there. When I touched the earrings, she didn't even feel a thing. She kept on about her business. Whew! So I didn't get to take a picture while she was getting her ears pierced. I know right? BOOOO! We got them done at Claire's and right when I pulled the camera out, the girl was like, "ohhh... i'm sorry no picture taking in the store is allowed." That stinks. So... I did take a picture that same day with my camera phone afterward and attempted to send it straight to my blog THREE TIMES. all three failed. BOOO! SO... this is the next day. The girl that did it... man. I mean it's good she really wanted to make sure they were even but she took soooo long. When we brought Toni into the store, she was happy and in a good mood. So I'm thinking this is a great time. But then the girl that does the ear piercing kept marking and remarking her ears so often that Toni was starting to get irritated just having to sit still in one place for so long. So by the time she got her ears pierced, she was cranky. Great. Well it's passed and all is good!

I have way more to update. But as it is nearing 5am (Junior's snoring has kept me up yet again), I am going to ATTEMPT to get an hours sleep dammit.

Early growth spurt... maybe?

So Toni's appetite has gone back to normal... at least for the last two days. SO I'm thinking maybe she did just go through a growth spurt. I'm not sure. She's not 6 months yet but maybe that is just a time frame? Or will she still go through it again in a couple of weeks. Did she grow? I think so. She feels a bit heavier and she can wear some of her six months clothes now... even though they are still a bit big, she can wear them. I'm still having to do the midnight and 3am pumping sessions, but at least she hasn't needed to supplement with formula... so far.

Definitely she is developing as a person! She soooo curious that she cannot sit still. Diaper changes are unbelievably harder and sometimes almost impossible because she is twisting and turning in all sorts of directions to see what's around her, what she can grab, what she can put in her mouth. About they only time she is still is if she's tired or sleeping and when she is intently studying something or somebody. She's a little silly too. One time I was trying to change her diaper on the bed. There is this big picture of the NYC skyline with the twin towers above our bed. She did this head roll to where she was on the top of her head and her back slighty off the bed so that she could look at the picture that was above and behind her. I, of course, wasn't too crazy of the position she put herself in as it just seemed like she could hurt herself. So I bring myself closer to her face to see if she's ok and she had this huge smile with a look on her face almost as if to say "i wanted to see how you would react." Little stinker! haha... it was pretty funny so i laughed and she did too... silently of course. Still tough to get her to laugh out loud at any time although she DOES do it!

The other day my cousin Kathy (acutally another family friend I grew up with, so... cousin) emailed me to tell me about her thoughts on one of my blogs. Hope you don't mind Kathy. IT was about the one with the lady that breastfed her kids for two years and how I felt I couldn't pump more at work because I felt like that was taking too much time from job. Well she's been listening to this book on CD about parenting and was reminded that our (us mothers) first and most important job is raising our kids and that work and daycare are just alternatives to doing that. And so if I needed to pump more, then I should and shouldn't feel bad about it. That's really true! And I was thinking about it that night and I think how way back when, there was a time when common life was when the men worked and the women stayed home and raised the kids. Then somewhere down the line, us women had to prove that dammit we are smart enough and more than capable of doing a man's job. And it's great, it really is. I mean, it changed us as a society and as a nation... even almost as a world. But now I'm thinking, ok we proved ourselves. Can we go back to the way it was where women stay home to raise the kids and men work? You know, minus all of the belittling (sp?) of woman make me dinner, etc. But then I realize, there's no where or no one saying we can't do that and so it comes down to the way we live. How much does it cost to live how you want to live? And so, I think it's a big reason why most mothers and working mothers. Almost makes me feel bad because it's like, well what' mosre important? Living with these comforts or living with a little less so you can give your child more? But then again, aren't we working to give our child more? Maybe in some ways that differ than if we were to stay home. Bottom line, easier said than done. I'd love to stay home. I say it all the time. But there is just no way at this time. But maybe one day. Ahhh.. I dream of that day. I hope it comes.

So this past weekend when I was at Lisa's post baby shower, my aunt told me before we left to please come by the house sometimes so that Toni can get to know them too and it made me think (I seem to be doing a lot of that lately). Since my parents have passed and Junior's mom lives in Toronto, Toni has no grandparents here. Junior's aunt and uncle, though, have always been like parents to him and so they are kind of like Toni's grandparents. So we try to go there whenever we can because I want Toni to know her grandparents. But it never occurred to me that just because my parents passed didn't mean we were alone. I really did feel that. I mean I know I have relatives, but I was feeling (and on some level still do) that hey, we will have no help and we are on our own. And in lots of ways that is really true. And while it proves to be tough sometimes, I also am proud that we do it by ourselves. But I forget that Toni needs to know her other lolo's and lola's (grandparents). My mom's brother is still here and I never make it a point to visit them unless there is a gathering there. So when my aunt asked me to come over sometimes, I sort of realized that I was not allowing Toni to know her family. I don't know if that makes sense or not but it's my new mission. To try and give her equal exposure among family members. I do want her to know how big her family is and how much everyone loves her. It's how I grew up and it's how I've always envisioned my kids to grow up. SO, maybe this weekend I will try to do that. Cousins... if you are reading this make note. I may stop by. I'll call first of course!

You know, if I stayed home then I could probably do that more often and expose her to family more than just on the weekends! hahaha... ahhh.... I can dream can't I?

She's such a happy baby!

I Just love this picture! Don't you??? Such a great shot! Looks almost like an action short since they aren't looking at the camera. But they are actually looking at me, I just held the camera lower. Anyway, this is Toni with Aaliyah (3 years old) taken today at that new outlet mall off of 290. But let's start at the beginning of the weekend, shall we?

Saturday we went to a post baby shower for my cousin (well family friend, but we all grew up together so...cousin) Lisa. It was a post baby shower because she now lives in England with her husband Peter (who's a famous rugby player there... too bad we know nothing about rubgy here) and so she had the baby in England. So they all came down here for a visit so all of our family could see them. Her son, Makayan, is so adorable! Or as Len would say, "That is SO precious." I swear she said that at LEAST 50 times that day. Anyway, it's pretty cool how he got his name. Happens to be Anne and Lisa's mom's maiden name. Makayan Lupton. Pretty cool. Anyway, so it was nice to see Lisa after almost a year and see the baby. When we got there, all of the auntie and uncles (parents) were on a bit of a trip because here we all were, the former kids, walking in with babies. Lisa with hers, Kathy with her two kids, and then me with Toni. And that's just some of us. So Tita Baby (Lisa's mom) starts to tell me how she can't believe it's us now with the babies when it seems just like yesterday when she and all of our parents were sitting on the couch holding us as babies at these get togethers. And it is kind of cool to think that. I actually have that picture (somewhere buried in storage) of my parents and aunties and uncles holding us kids on their laps sitting in chairs and on couches. And here were are doing the same 25+ years later. Wow. It is pretty cool. Anyway, so everyone there is of course switching and handing off babies so we can all hold the other baby. Everyone that holds Toni always says, "She's such a happy baby!" And it's just really awesome that so many people say that. I mean I know she is and I don't need anyone to reassure me that she is. But it's still nice to hear it from others and not just a few people, but everyone. People from her school, parents of other kids, people at the store in line behhind me, people at church, relatives, friends... it's great. Not only am I proud that my baby is happy, but it almost makes me feel like hey... we've must have done something right she's so happy. Though I have to admit there is a small part of me deep down that is waiting for the other shoe to drop. In general, my pregnancy was relatively easy. The birth, I know I didn't get my epidural, but didn't last too long and was over with and I healed pretty fast according to the doctor (as I have nothing to compare to). Now I have this prefectly (knock on wood she's still developing) healthy, HAPPY baby. I have truely been blessed. And really that's an understatement. And so that SMALL part of me is almost waiting for something to go wrong. How horrible, huh? I just need to completely enjoy and be grateful for my blessings.

Today is my sister in law, Binky's, birthday WHO happens to be pregnant! I can announce that now that they have officially announced it too. She's still in her first trimester but is almost in her second. AND, they're having a girl!!! Let's just say that she already has a wardrobe waiting for her. Everything Toni grows out of will go to her. And it's fairly new, so it's still "in." haha! Anyway, so Junior, me and Toni meet my brother and his family and Binky's cousin Sherwin and his family at the outlet mall off 290. Shewrin and Maureen also have a newborn boy, Angelo, of two months and their daughter Aaliyah of three years. That's her in the picture with Toni. Toni just loves people! she's very social and Aaliyah was always playing with her. Thankfully I remembered to bring the camera with us today and was able to catch some snap shots. I forgot my camera yesterday so I didn't get pictures of Makayan. But I think I will wait until Anne and Lisa or even Len post some up on facebook or myspace and then I'll steal them. haha!

So anyway, while were at the mall let's just say Junior spoiled the heck out of Toni! Ok I did a little. They have the Carter's outlet store there so I got her some bibs and a dress. I only paid $17 for all of it! I love their clothes and bibs! Well while we were in the store, Junior saw this stuffed toy of a dog and it sings the abc's and moves it's feet. He played it and showed it to Toni and she really got a kick out of it! She reached for it with both hands with a huge smile on her face. But we put it back on the shelf and I think Junior felt bad. honestly, I think she forgot about it a minute later. So I go tell him to wait outside while I wait in the long line to pay. When I get to the register I asked the lady how much the dog was. The tag said $34 but since it is the outlet, I was curious to know what it was going for. She said it was $25 something. I don't think so. That is WAY to expensive for that. Her carebear was $15 AND it's interactive AND it sings three songs and not just one! So I didn't get it. But when I got out of the store, Junior was still wanting to get it for her. I told him to go ahead if he really wanted to, but she's already forgotten about it. And he agreed but couldn't get over her reaction to it. But he knew that getting it for her would really be for him. haha! So he didn't get it (even though he kept mentioning it throughout the rest of the day) but I think he made up for it in other ways. So we all go tot he foodcourt for dinner ans snacks and he decides to go to the Converse store to look for some shoes. Well he bought some, but not for him like he intended! He bought Toni her first pair of Chuck Taylor's in pink! Soo cute! I've never even owned a pair and neither has he. Then later, he goes to Starbucks to get me a drink and comes back with this little stuffed bear dressed as a pumpkin. Hahahaha! Good Lord this little girl is so spoiled and she doesn't even have a clue! haha!

So her appetite is still huge and I don't think there is anyway to keep up unless I quit my job and that definitely is NOT an option. but believe you me, if I knew there was a way we could be where we want to be and me not have to work and I would take that opportunity in a heart beat. So I think it's safe to say that the weaning process has begun. I predict that by the end of this year or at least early next year she will not be breastfed anymore. Although I am a little sad, I am accepting it more and more everyday and look forward to owning my body again and dropping this excess of 20 lbs dammit. haha... I need to look good by 30!

Holy smokes!

So I pick Toni up from school this afternoon and they have two bottles of formula made. Each bottle is 4 oz. That's weird b/c I thought I only gave them one 4 oz can. Anyway, they explain she had the last oz of breastmilk and they began feeding her the formula when she fell asleep. She was asleep when I got there. So she had about an oz of formula before she fell asleep. So I get home and duh.... the can's are 8 oz. Why did I think they were only 4 oz? And HELLO GAIL?! The cans are way too big to be 4 oz! I swear, sometimes I wonder where my head went. Well I'm sure part of it went right out the window as soon as I got pregnant.

Anyway, that's besides the point. I get home and naturally, she's hungry which I expected since she didn't finish. I really didn't want to give her that bottle of formula she started on but with formula, once you start feeding them they have to finish that bottle within the hour before it's bad. you can't re-refrigerate that stuff beyond an hour. I didn't want to waste it so I gave the last 3 oz of it which she downed no problem. Now mind you, formula is heavier than breastmilk and so babies (especially one's used to being breastfed) don't need to drink as much or as often since it keeps them fuller longer than breastmilk. So I'm thinking, she's done. Nope. She wanted more. I didn't give her the other bottle of formula since she hadn't touched that one yet. I'll save that for tomorrow since you can only refrigerate unused formula for two days. Another upside to breastmilk. It lasts longer. ANYWAY, again besides the point. I do ramble. Those that know me well, know I tend to ramble. SO moving on to my point...

I breastfed her after that and she really fed. I expected maybe she would just take a little and be good since technically she's already had 1 oz breastmilk and 4 oz formula but no. She was feeding like she had no formula. And she fed from both sides! Holy Smokes! She must have had at LEAST 8 oz there if not more! OK, so here I am wondering what the hell. I know her appetite grew but again, holy smokes! That's a huge jump. So then I start thinking... maybe she's in a growth spurt. But I really wasn't expecting that until 6 months and she's only 5 months. Well, technically she's 22 weeks so more like 5 1/2 months. Can they have their growth spurts a little early? There is NO way I am going to be able to keep up with her! At this rate, I'm going to get phased out in no time. :(

Oh yeah. So when I picked her up, I noticed they changed her clothes. When I got home to see what mess had happened (thinking poop got on her clothes) it was a little bit of formula. That is the other thing about formula I don't like. It stains like crazy. You have to treat that stain or wash it out before it sets in. And this was on one of her nice outfits. So I hope that the treatment I gave it wasn't too late. While I know formula will allow me a little more freedom, sometimes I hate it. hahaha! I wish I could just produce 8 oz each side each time I pumped like my sis in law said she did! I'm more like 3 oz on one side and 2 on the other. Blah. And that's good for me.

ANYWAY... so I have a bit of a dilemma. Toni is ready to be baptised. We just need to pick a date since we already took the classes. the dilemma? Well in my family, everyone usually has some sort of reception or get together after the baptism to celebrate. Well we were looking at where we could do this and of course, we could always go the Lucky Village route. So we looked into it and it's about $10 a person. So I create a rough guest list of JUST family and that list was 50 people! Again, HOLY SMOKES! I mean seriously. JUST family. I hadn't even considered our friends and the list was 50 people. That means $500! Now mind you, if money was not an issue (and when is it not?) then no prob. I'd even have it somewhere nicer and invite friends. But it is as we are not rich folk. The better solution would be to have it at home and just have food there... except we live in an apartment that will NOT fit 50 people. sigh... so it's bothering me that this is delaying her getting baptised because that's not what it should be about. But at the same time I can't get her baptised and not celebrate it either. This is a once in a lifetime deal... and a big deal at that. And I can't exactly cut the list either because that list is ALREADY the minimum. So... yeah. Not sure what to do. I wish I had a house. Sigh... all falls back to money again.

On a brighter note (and I need one b/c thinking about the lack of money really stresses me out), last night before I put Toni to sleep, I was walking around doing some things while holding her and Jake was following us. So Toni is watching Jake, and she starts trying to get his attention. So I stop and bend down to let her "play" with Jake. Well Jake, really, is just concerned about himself and getting a treat. And he knows that on some level good interaction with Toni gets him a treat. He always tries to kiss her to get a treat. Which was cute at first but now it's like, ew... don't kiss her! But that's really our fault. In the beginning he didn't even want to come close to her. But when he saw that giving her a kiss got him a treat, that stuck in his head til this day. So anyway, I'm bent down at his level with her in my arms facing him. And she is trying to talk to him and squealing. She's so excited by him. He, of course, is trying to figure out how to get a treat b/c I told him not to kiss her. So he's going through his list of tricks. Smart dog, but really self centered. haha... So here Toni is reaching out for him so I let her touch him and he's getting really excited... to the point where I think he started getting a bit too excited for Toni and her smiles and squeals started to turn into a cry. hahaha.. poor thing. But as soon as I backed her up a bit she was all smiles and sweals again. And today she was watching him eat and trying to get his attention again. She goes, "uhh... uhhh... (squeal)" and Jake pays her no mind. hahaha... I love that she's so into him but it's funny that he's so whatever. I wonder if he'll ever play with her. I'm sure that in time he will because really we barely play with him now. Poor puppy (he's not really a puppy at 11 years old, but he's our only dog and so he's still puppu to us. hehe). I feel bad sometimes that we don't pay as much attention to him and considering he's doing really well. I try to pay more attention to him at night after she's gone to bed. I always tell him, "This is your time pups." But lately with me getting up twice a night/morning to pump I don't stay awake to do that anymore.

I need to take an updated picture with Toni and Jake. Last and first picture they had together was when she was six days old!

The day has come

Today Toni was supplemented with formula. sigh.... and it begins. I've always kept a small 2 oz bottle of formula in her bag when I take her to school in case she runs out of milk and wants more. That's what that's there for. Today they had to give it to her and they claim she loved it. And I don't doubt that. She probably did. The lady at the school said it smelled, "yummy." ooook. It's formula. I don't know. To each is own. But I think I knew this was coming soon. I think I was trying to avoid the inevitable. So I've come to terms with it. I will continue to pump like I do, but will have formula there to supplement. So tonight after I picked her up I had to go buy some. I was going to buy the powdered kind and the nursery water b/c that is the more economical choice. But then I decided to get the ready made in cans just so I can give one 4oz can. I don't want the people at the school to see this unlimited amount of formula and end up weaning her themselves. I'd like for to still mainly be on breastmilk. And at least this way I can gage how much she'll actually need. But part of me thinks I am still trying to avoid the unavoidable. If I can just make it to six months at least then I'll be happy with that.

So when I was there picking her up today, this man walked in because he forgot to get his kids pacifier. He saw me holding Toni and she was all smiles as always and he said, "It's the laughing baby. She's always laughing!" hehe... that's my girl. Then after he left, the lady said (and I assume she was referring to him but she may have been referring to another parent) that when he/she (she's filipino so I don't know if she said she referring to him or another parent) came to pick up their son that the son was just straight faced. No smiles no nothing and that's how it is everyday. But that it's Toni that always smiles and laughs (the silent way) instead. hehehe... I swear. My baby is such a happy baby and thank God for that! So I made the comment to the lady that she's such a happy baby and she said, "well of course! She's breastfed!" I don't know if that really has anything to do with it or not. Maybe because she's so healthy? I don't know. And I thought, and here I am starting to have to supplement her with formula. Then she proceeded to tell me that she breast fed both of her sons until age 2. WOW! How the heck. And she said they are very intelligent (which there are studies saying that breast fed babies on average tend to have higher IQs than non breast fed babies) and that one graduated at a private school in the PI from his Kindergarten class validectorian. I asked her if she ever had problems with milk supply and she said none (bitch... just kidding!). But then she said she was a stay at home mom for 8 years and never worked until both her kids were in school. See, and I really think it's because of work that my milk supply is down. Not that it's stress or whatever. But it's because I can only pump twice a day and that's not what her feeding schedule would be like had I stayed home. And since I'm not pumping enough times during the day at work, my body thinks it doesn't need to produce as much even though I am trying to empty out each time I do pump. I'm sure my work wouldn't say anything if I pumped more often during the day, but really. Who would do that (especially at a new job)... take a 15 minute break every 2 hours. I guess I could make it work but it's also timing. What with meetings here and there. Yeah... so I'm sure that's why my milk supply is not adequate enough. It makes me sad... but I'm accepting it. So I'm not TOO sad. haha...

So here I am Thursday night and excited for Friday and the weekend! Means tomorrow night I can sleep in. And then it dawned on me. Pre-baby, sleeping in to me meant sleeping until 11, 12 maybe even 1 in the pm. These days, sleeping in means sleeping until 8. Sigh... guess that's parenthood. But I'm so sleep deprived and used to getting up early that still, not having to get up until 8am is still a treat! I'm guessing this is how it's going to be for quite some time. Maybe as she gets older, I will be able to REALLY sleep in but something tells me not. Oh well. I am jsut going to accept that too.

Selfish Mom

Yes, I have been feeling selfish lately. I'm already thinking about when I will wean Toni from breastfeeding. The thought of it gets me excited because I can hardcore diet (like i know how) and have my body back after well over a year. But then again, I feel sad because I'm taking away what's best for her and I can still give that to her. It's not like I am not able to. I am able to (sort of... I'll get to that). Plus I really do enjoy that time with her. It really is an indescribable bond. For me anyway. Which really, the best thing to do is to gradually diet and still breastfeed. hahaha... something I should have been doing all along. Ugh... easier said than done. Nursing makes me THIRSTY AND HUNGRY! Which makes sense since I'm burning calories. But then when I think about it, I don't feel that hingry after I work out. Thirsty maybe, but not so hungry like I do now. So now, I think it's all in my head and I need to get past that.

Anyway, in reference to my 'sort of'' comment there. Toni's appetite is growing like crazy! For a while there she was drinking about 12 oz while I was at work. Then lsat week it was up to 14 oz. So I'm having to get up twice during the night/early morning (I'm starting to think I blogged this already) to pump just to keep up so she has enough while at school. So last night I thought that I was finally ahead of the game. I already had 14 oz ready for her but I thought I'd pump again anyway as a buffer. Plus the pumping keeps the milk coming. I sent her to school with 17 oz and she had it all! Which is great! I'm glad she's eating more! Also makes me wonder if it's not enough. Or is she going through a growth spurt? She shouldn't for atleast another month. So here I am back at square one. I was only able to get 9 oz while at work. Can I get at least another 9 (preferrably 10) tonight? I don't know. And I have to admit. I am freakin' tired. Really tired. Having to get up or stay up until midnight to pump and then again at 3am and then again at 6am to actually feed her. Aye! So yes, another reason I would like to wean and can 'sort of' provide for her.

But I know it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I can do both breastmilk and formula. any breastmilk is better than none. I may do that. I just can't keep up. It's hard once you go back to work. I am able to pump twice during the day which is pretty good, but it's still no comparison to your own baby. I've even started taking Fenugreek which seems to help, but so far not enough. I don't know, maybe in a few days I'll be producing more and all will be good. I will just have to wait and see. I hope it does help produce more because I can't stress enough how freakin' tired I am. Actually a light bulb just went off in my head. They say when you lack sleep, your supply can lessen. Wow... now I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation! Ugh... I'll just take it day by day.

So about this Fenugreek... it has this smell. It smells bit like maple syrup actually. And no one really knows exactly how this vitamin is able to help lactation. But research thinks that it may have something to do with sweat gland. Fenugreek increases sweat glands and somehow is linked to the glands in the breast. Anyway, a side affect of taking the vitamin is that your urine and sweat tend to have a maple syrup-y smell. And it's true. While the smell of maple syrup is not bad, it's not exactly great for bodily odors. hahaha... it's weird actually. Seriously... the things women go through for their babies! Whatever it takes!

Time to pump!

Coming This Halloween

My Internet Is Back!!

For some odd reason, our internet was down... and I found out when I needed to work from home nontheless! Anyway, 9/28 was kind a while back (considering) and Toni has new stuff already!

So fresh on my mind, her appetite is growing and I am having a hard time keeping up the supply! She is working me hard. I'm getting up twice during the night (early morning) just to pump some more so she has enough for school. And when I say enough, I mean JUST enough... to the point where I think pretty soon it won't be enough. So I'm in a bit of panic mode. I mean I know there is always formula and I can just use it as a supplement... and I know there's nothing wrong with that... but if I can just do breast milk, then the better. So I went to GNC and bought some Fenugreek vitamins. They supposedly help increase milk supply. Everyone I know that has tried it, swears by it. And all of what I read about it on the web says so too. So why have I never tried it before? Because throught the thousands of articles and forums I must have read through, I read ONE entry from a lady who said it made her supply stop! That ONE was enough to scare me off! Better not risk it right? Well a couple months later and here I am getting desperate. I figure, if I don't pump enough she's going to have to drink formula anyway. So I may as well give it a shot. I've been taking it since last Sunday and still no increase. So I'm thinking... great. I'm the one out of a million. But I know it may take a few days so I look it up while at work today. For most it takes 24-72 hours and then for some up to two weeks. So... maybe I'm a two weeker? All hope is not lost? And then... EUREKA! I figure out what the problem is... well maybe. The bottle says take 1-2 capsules a day. Everywhere I read online says that the vitamin bottles always tell you the wrong amount and that just 1-2 capsules a day isn't going to do jack! That if you have the 610mg capsules (which i do) to take at least 1-2 capsules THREE TIMES DAILY! Holy cow! So I've been taking them for no reason basically. But it made me a little happy because then I thought, GREAT! maybe it will work! Believe you me, I took more today. haha! And I am praying that I'm one of those 24 hour cases... or less! I read one lady doubled her amount! Oh man, please let that be me!

Anyway, on the topic of breastfeeding/breastmilk I have been wanting to blog about the craziness it has been making in the media lately. Ok, so obviously I am all for breastfeeding. Again, not there is anything wrong with formula feeding but in my opinion I think breastfeeding is best if it can be done. But there is a part of me that may be a little contradictory on it. While I think all babies should be breastfed if they can, I think that on some level it's a little weird... almost gross if the milk doesn't come straight from that baby's mama. Now, there are those cases where some women just are overflowing with milk and don't know what to do with it and they donate it to milk banks. Again... a little creepy. But then again, you have those premies who can really benefit from that allowing them to thrive... and so I'm all for that. But now here come the PETA folks who want to stop using cows milk in the Ben & Jerry's ice cream and replace it with human breast milk!? ARE YOU FREAKIN OUTTA YOUR MINDS?! GAAAARRRRROSSSS!!! I know, it probably is better for everyone and their health but I don't give a rats ass! You leave my cows milk in there or no more Ben & Jerry's for me!

Ok, then you have the whole Jamie Lynn Spears story about how she one, was breastfeeding in public and peoploe had a problem with it. I say to those people, Go F yourselves! I'm no Spears (of any kind) fan but breastfeeding is natural. It's how it's always been. Now I don't know the whole story, but unless she whipped her boob out for all to see what's the big deal? They have covers and concealing nursing shirts. So get over yourselves people. You were probably breastfed too. And then there's the story of her breastfeeding pictures leaking out... first of all... shame on her and her man for taking that to Wal-mart! DUH. That aside, does that really turn men on? I mean I know there are "breast men" out there but when they are feeding someone... really? Is it still a turn on???

OK, I'm done with my blog about breastfeeding. haha! Moving on to Toni!

So this past weekend was her second try at eating solids and she did so well!!!! Better that the first time! And she's so eager too! She already has the hang of the spoon goes in the mouth to feed. The only problem was I think it wasn't coming fast enough. That may be partly my fault b/c whatever didn't make it in her mouth or came back out I was trying to spoon back in and she was just like 'give me another spoonful now!' I'm sure this contributes to her increased appetite. Oh man... I feel like I'm not feeding her enough! I'm thinking of trying this weekend and the whole week after to feed her the cereal. See how she does. That might actually decrease my supply if she's not demanding it since she's eating cereal, but if these vitamins work hopefully it won't be a problem.

She has her full on giggle!!!! It's amazing how much happiness a giggle or a smile can bring! She doesn't always do it, but more so than before! I'm going to have to record her one time and post it here. It's hard to ever get her to do it again once you've stopped doing whatever it was that made her laugh. It's a hit or miss. But she always smiels real big like she's going to laugh no matter what. People say she's such a happy baby!

In her exersaucer/stationary entertainer... she can pull on the hanging toys now!!! There are three and when you pull them each one plays a different melody. Well one is this butterfly with a ring that was easy for her to pull. so naturally that was the first one. The second one is a catepillar and there is a tag at the bottom so she grabs that and pulls on it. The third one is tha hardest. It's a turtle and so it's round with tiny feet at the bottom. She FINALLY was able to grab it yesterday and pull on it! Junior and I were watching here and she was working really hard to do it. She even tried gathering all of them together to try and pull all of them. When she finally did it we got so excited and cheered that she kind of looked at us like, 'what happened?'

Her vocals are outrageous! At church I'm holding her in my lap with a toy for her to play with so she doesn't get bored and fussy. But she'll stare and observe at her toy before going, "AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......" and putting it in her mouth. Mind you the "AHHHH..." doesn't stop just because it's in her mouth. There is a reason why we sit in the cry room! haha!

She's more responsive to her name now. I used to think that it was just that she responded to my voice or junior's voice. But now I know that she responds to her name.... sometimes. hahaha...

She found my shadow the other day! I had her on the changing table and the light cast my shadow on the wall above her head. She kept tilting her head up and was laughing (the big smile laugh with no noise that is). At first I was thinking, what is she so excited about. There's nothing on that wall. Then I realized she was getting a kick out of my shadow. So now, I have to move my head and shake it all sorts of ways and she gets really excited... at my shadow. haha!

Her feet! Before she was starting to find her feet. It's full on now! She grabs those suckers all the time! And this morning she got some toes in her mouth!

She's enjoying her baths much more. She never disliked it but she usually just sat there really still. Well tonight she was kicking and the I think she liked the splashing b/c she kept doing it until the water drained.

Sunday Best

Isn't she so adorable?! haha... I know I'm biased. Today I realized I take more time in making her look cute (when she already looks cute in just her diapers) than I do getting myself ready. I threw on a shirt and some jeans, tied my hair back and did a really quick makeup job. I probably could have gone without. But I took the time to dress her up and make her cuter than she already is! haha... anyway, she only wore for about an hour at church. Which, we finally took the baptism class so now she can be baptised at any time! We just have to figure out when. But Im excited! I'm just curious how she will take it. Hopefully she won't cry too bad.

Today she had her first full on giggle!!!! I mean the last few weeks she was laughing a lot. more than just the few 'hehs' and consistently. But today she went on and on!!! Oh my little thing is growing so fast! I tried to record it, but I couldn't get her to do it again. I guess my act was getting old and wasn't THAT funny anymore. I need to think of something else. All I did was tickle her, but I think it's my tone and the way I came at her that cracked her up.

New Stuff Part 2

I didn't really finish the last blog. She has more new things that I didn't have time to blog about last time. But based on my history of "saved" blogs not really being saved, I published it.

But this time, I have pictures! Ok, so the newest thing of them all... today was Toni's first day of solid food! OK, she's only four months and 3 weeks, but they say anywhere between four and six months. She seemed like she might be ready. She watches me eat and always has this chewing motion going on. Plus I figure, I'll try and if it doesn't work out I can try again in a few more weeks.

So I fed her rice cereal (for babies of course!) with breastmilk. Not very much either. Just about one tablespoon. HAHA!!! Wow... what a MESSY thing to do! haha! I mean, duh Gail. What did you think? I don't know why I wasn't thinking about the messy factor. Seemed to just slip my mind for a split second until she reminded me. OK wait. so let me go back to the beginning.

A couple of weeks ago, I asked her dr if we could try introducing her to solids. And he said the number one thing is if they can hold their head up which she does amazingly well. Everyone that comes across her is so amazed how strong she is overall for her age. And she really is. I mean REALLY! So we bought her rice cereal, but just haven't given it to her yet because of the whole hurricane thing and getting her used to daycare and the bottle again... we just didn't want to inflcit too much change all at one time for her. So now that she is back in school and doing 100% with the bottle, we're back in our own home I figured, NOW I can try to introduce her cereal.

I sit her in her infant chair and let her play with the toy on the tray for a bit, which is actually another new thing for her. She's sat in it before and was fine. She'd look at the toy and study it and soon she was over it. She wanted out of the chair and was over the toy. Well today when I sat her in it and was putting the tray on and was already grabbing for the toy and immediately put it in her mouth. She spun the the little toys and was playing. Mostly putting it in her mouth, but playing! That is totally new. So I let her play for a bit beore feeding her.

Ok. So here I am ready to feed her and who's the new mom on the block. (waving my hand in the air) That would be me! I have the bowl in my left hand, spoon in my right and I am holding the spoon right over the bowl and coming towards her with it. UH NO. She reached for the bowl right away! And I had to catch it from spilling everywhere. I laughed at myself. I thought, 'duh... why would you hold the bowl so close to the baby?' hahaha! Lesson learned. But the spoon must still come close to her, obviously. So as I try to feed her the first time, she grabs for the spoon. I manage to get SOME of it in her mouth but most of it in her hands, the tray, her bib (thank God for bibs). After that first try and she saw where I was going with putting hte spoon in her mouth with food, she seemed to understand on some level what I was trying to do. I say that because the next few times were a little more successful. Don't get me wrong, she would still try and grab the spoon and not all of it made it in her mouth but the undestanding seemed to be there. Did she eat any? I'm not sure. haha! I think she's still learning how to eat and so after getting it in her mouth her tounge would push some of it out but it really did look like she was trying to eat. And everytime I fed her she was eager to have the spoon back to try again. So I think that's the most important thing is that she is willing and eager... even if she didn't actually eat anything. I still nursed her afterward anyway. I MAY try again tomorrow or maybe wait until next weekend just to get her used to trying to eat.

She's much better at tummy time also. Did I blog about that last time? haha.. I don't know. But she can really stay on her tummy for a good while and even hold her head up really high. Sometimes she even leans on one arm or tries to reach out with one arm at a toy. The best part? She tries to crawl! I mean she isn't actually crawling but the effort is there. She is lifting her butt and sometimes pushes off her feet. But her head is down when she does this. haha! It's normal for babies to do that anyway. So I see it as another milestone!

Toni is also very talkative! I mean obviously she's just cooing but she does it with such passion and really loud too! It's great!

Thursday night was the first night she slept in her crib all night. Well... mostly all night. She would have if not for me. haha! Seriously, I think she is ready to grow way faster than I am ready for. God please don't let me hold her back for my own selfishness! haha! So she's pretty hot natured. I mean she sweats EASILY. She gets that gene from me because I'm like that but she is worse! So I usually just have her sleep in a t-shirt and diapers. Well that night she was in her crib and I had a blanket over her. Usually she kicks the blanket off. That night I woke up at around 1am. Just one of those things. I wake up every few hours even if I don't have to. It sucks. ANYWAY, so I decide to check on her. She didn't kick her blanket off. I figure she must feel cold. Her arms, which were out from under the blanket, were really cold! So I feel for her legs under the blanket and they are a tad cold too. My poor baby! So I took her out and brought her to bed where she'd be kept warm... and also for my own selfishness. haha!

Well Friday night, she slept through the whole night! This time I dressed her in her pj's with the footsies, but the material was just plain cotton so it was not real thin but a little bit. I still covered her with a blanket. She did fine, although I would prefer that she be kept just a tad warmer since she still had cold arms. So tonight, she is dressed in pj's with footsies but the material is a tad thicker and the blanket is too. And checking on her, she seems just right. Aww... my baby is grown! And if she kinbd of wakes up, she is able to put herself back to sleep by sucking her thumb. So she doesn't depend on me or junior to put her back to sleep. I'm so proud and a little hearbroken too. haha! selfish mom!

Last night, she and I went to my friend Muna's house for her son's first birthday! Sachin is about 6-7 months older so they will be in the same grade! It's exciting! Anyway, there was a point in the night where Muna's brother in law was holding Sachin and her brother holding Toni. And they are talking to each other. It's so cute! Well here's my fast growing daughter, and she reaches over to Sachin as if to hug him... it was so cute! But the look on his face was so funny. He looked a little scared. haha! Later than night when we were about to leave, Toni was already in her seat and Sachin just kept talking to her. Sooooo cute!

Toni's new stuff

Well I have no clue if I've blogged about some of this stuff before or not. So apparent my memory has gone to crap. Oh well. But if I have, then it's not new and if I haven't.. yay!

So first week of school Toni found her thumb. She is a thumb sucker. People ask me if that's a good thing or a bad thing. There are even article's out there where some say it's bad ans some say it's good. Well I think it all depends in each individual situation. In my opinion I think it's a good thing. I was kind of always hoping she's be a thumb sucker over a pacifier anyway. At least she won't have that dependency on a pacifier and I won't have to break her of that habit. On the other hand, I may have to break her of the habit of thumb sucking although most kids break that habit themselves over time. As I'm sure pacifier babies as well. But she never did take to a pacifier too well anyway. That was tough when I'd try to help her go back to sleep by giving her a pacifier to comfort suck on and she wouldn't hold on to it. So the fact that she now thumb sucks to comfort herself means she isn't depending on anyone or anything to help her out. She can put herself to sleep. Again, nothing against pacifier babies. If Iever have one that ends up being one, so be it. I'm just proud that she can put herself back to sleep at this age.

OK... so that's one "new" thing. She grabs at her feet sometimes when you have her sitting up. It's pretty damn cute I have to say! She's still really interested in her hands and fingers and whatever goes into her hands too. But now when she's sitting up it's easier for her to grab her feet and she does.

She is such a babbler too! Oh my goodness it's so cute. She'll just sit there and go, "ahhhhhhh. (take a big breath) ahhhhhhhhhhhhh..." hehehehe... and you have to see her face. She puts so much passion into it. Almost as if she's singing and wants to hit that note and puts her all into it. Maybe she will be a singer!

So we've been staying at my brother Mark's house while our apartment is being put back in order after Ike. My neice Madeline has this sing along care bear called share bear. Well one day my sis in law Lisa was showing it to Toni and Toni really enjoyed it. Madeline, only being two years old, didn't exactly want to share... share bear. So she took it from Toni and Toni cried. hehehe.. poor thing. So Junior and I bought her one. HAHA! OK... now we were at the toy store and showing her all sorts of toys, other singing toys and they got her attention, but not like the care bear did. That just put a huge smile on her face that just brightened up her face. So we got her one... but we got cheer bear so they are different. Here's the cool part. They are interactive!!! We didn't know that! So when you put the two together, they "talk" to each other and sing songs together taking turns on diff parts. oh my goodness!!! Not only was Toni and Madeline so excited, but so was Lisa and I! hahaha! It's pretty damn cool. There's another care bear called funshine bear that can join in to. I'm thinking about it... hahaha! It just makes her so happy.

Toni has also really adapted to school. She's almost always really smily and laughing AND she drinks from the bottle, NO PROBLEM! In fact if she's hungry, she's excited to see the bottle. And fortunately, she still likes to nurse too! awww... I think my little girl is just growing up. :( I'm happy and sad! hahaha! Before I know it she'll be 18 and off to college. haha!Oh no... I'm going to be one of those mom's??? haha!

Post Ike

A whole week... whew. Well we're all ok. The power did go out that night of the last blog... or should I say really early the next morning. It was really scary. I think not only was I scared that the power was out and the wind and rain were blowing like crazy outside but for scared for Toni too. What if the window blows out. I'll have to hover over her quickly so glass won't cut her then run her out of there to some place else in the house. It was freaky. Real freaky. And although I was with family, I still felt alone in the whole thing. I can't really depend on them like I do Junior. I meanI COULD I'm sure they would help out, but it's weird for me to, you know. Don't want to burden anyone when they have their own lives and livelihood (sp?) to protect. Maybe in the event it really happens, my way of thinking would probably change. Well anyway, I'm glad we never had to go down that road. It was scary, I couldn't sleep through it and oh how i wish i could. But Toni was starting to get hot (A/C's out too!) and real restless trying to sleep.

So when it was over (or so we thought) there was no damage just the outage and it was getting uncomfortable. Toni was starting to show signs of a heat rash. As it turns out, my brother never lost power and he lives a little more west in Katy that Junior's family. But I didn't go there initially because I had Jake. But Junior's aunt and uncle suggested that I leave Jake with them and take her to my brother's house where there is AC and she'll feel better. So I did. It's weird to drive around after the storm comes through. Trees were rooted, no traffic lights working, some hanging, debree (sp?) everywhere.

Well we get there and she is instantly feeling better. She sleeps soundly for quite a while. poor thing. She even had her whole bottle! That night, apparently there was a second band of rain from Ike that no one saw coming. So then my brothers power out. Great. Fortunately, it wasn't out too long and it never really got uncomfortable. so we were ok.

So how did our home do? Not great, but not too bad either. It could be way worse. Junior got home Sunday night and gave us the not so good news. There was damage to the roof of our building. Some other buidlings too. Well we are on the third floor so we got more damage than the other floors. Guess the second floor is the best floor. ANYWAY, because of the roof damage water leaked into our bedroom. The walls were wet as well as the carpet. Oh and the ceiling too. So we weren't able to stay home. Actually Junior stayed b/c the fire alarm was going off like crazy but not b/c there was any fire or smoke but because the water shorted it or something and he didn't want to leave our apartment like that.

So he stayed and Toni and I stayed at my brother's. And to this day we are still staying there b/c there is the issue of mold... or maybe. They haven't tested for it yet. But they are working on the carpets and have the roof patched up until they are able to fix it.

Well Toni had her round two of shots Monday... yes the dr was still open! She cried and for some reason I wanted to cry this time. Weird. haha! Maybe just overwhelmed with all that was happening at the time. Monday the office was still closed but Tues they were open. So it was hectic trying to get ready to head back to work and Toni for school when we are still at someone else's home. But I managed to do it and still get to bed by about a little after midnight. But Toni's restlessness woke me up at 3am because she had a fever. Side effect from her shots so I wasn't really too worried but now I can't take her to school. So missed Tues of work. When I took her Wed, she barely ate. I had a small breakdown on my way "home." Just overwhelemed with all going on and here I am thinking she has to learn the bottle again and she's going to lose weight... I let it get to me and she wasn't in high spirits either. She wasn't in low spirits but she just was that day.

Well Thursday I made sure I talked to the director b/c she's always able to feed Toni. Toni ate well!! AND she was having a good day. Real playful and laughing and everything. Made my day too! I was happy as she was! I seriously think that overnight she met another milestone because here she is now babbling to herself while I drive and so happy and playful! So I'm happy too. I'd rather be happy at home, but happy is happy.