Yes, I have been feeling selfish lately. I'm already thinking about when I will wean Toni from breastfeeding. The thought of it gets me excited because I can hardcore diet (like i know how) and have my body back after well over a year. But then again, I feel sad because I'm taking away what's best for her and I can still give that to her. It's not like I am not able to. I am able to (sort of... I'll get to that). Plus I really do enjoy that time with her. It really is an indescribable bond. For me anyway. Which really, the best thing to do is to gradually diet and still breastfeed. hahaha... something I should have been doing all along. Ugh... easier said than done. Nursing makes me THIRSTY AND HUNGRY! Which makes sense since I'm burning calories. But then when I think about it, I don't feel that hingry after I work out. Thirsty maybe, but not so hungry like I do now. So now, I think it's all in my head and I need to get past that.
Anyway, in reference to my 'sort of'' comment there. Toni's appetite is growing like crazy! For a while there she was drinking about 12 oz while I was at work. Then lsat week it was up to 14 oz. So I'm having to get up twice during the night/early morning (I'm starting to think I blogged this already) to pump just to keep up so she has enough while at school. So last night I thought that I was finally ahead of the game. I already had 14 oz ready for her but I thought I'd pump again anyway as a buffer. Plus the pumping keeps the milk coming. I sent her to school with 17 oz and she had it all! Which is great! I'm glad she's eating more! Also makes me wonder if it's not enough. Or is she going through a growth spurt? She shouldn't for atleast another month. So here I am back at square one. I was only able to get 9 oz while at work. Can I get at least another 9 (preferrably 10) tonight? I don't know. And I have to admit. I am freakin' tired. Really tired. Having to get up or stay up until midnight to pump and then again at 3am and then again at 6am to actually feed her. Aye! So yes, another reason I would like to wean and can 'sort of' provide for her.
But I know it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I can do both breastmilk and formula. any breastmilk is better than none. I may do that. I just can't keep up. It's hard once you go back to work. I am able to pump twice during the day which is pretty good, but it's still no comparison to your own baby. I've even started taking Fenugreek which seems to help, but so far not enough. I don't know, maybe in a few days I'll be producing more and all will be good. I will just have to wait and see. I hope it does help produce more because I can't stress enough how freakin' tired I am. Actually a light bulb just went off in my head. They say when you lack sleep, your supply can lessen. Wow... now I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation! Ugh... I'll just take it day by day.
So about this Fenugreek... it has this smell. It smells bit like maple syrup actually. And no one really knows exactly how this vitamin is able to help lactation. But research thinks that it may have something to do with sweat gland. Fenugreek increases sweat glands and somehow is linked to the glands in the breast. Anyway, a side affect of taking the vitamin is that your urine and sweat tend to have a maple syrup-y smell. And it's true. While the smell of maple syrup is not bad, it's not exactly great for bodily odors. hahaha... it's weird actually. Seriously... the things women go through for their babies! Whatever it takes!
Time to pump!
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