The day has come

Today Toni was supplemented with formula. sigh.... and it begins. I've always kept a small 2 oz bottle of formula in her bag when I take her to school in case she runs out of milk and wants more. That's what that's there for. Today they had to give it to her and they claim she loved it. And I don't doubt that. She probably did. The lady at the school said it smelled, "yummy." ooook. It's formula. I don't know. To each is own. But I think I knew this was coming soon. I think I was trying to avoid the inevitable. So I've come to terms with it. I will continue to pump like I do, but will have formula there to supplement. So tonight after I picked her up I had to go buy some. I was going to buy the powdered kind and the nursery water b/c that is the more economical choice. But then I decided to get the ready made in cans just so I can give one 4oz can. I don't want the people at the school to see this unlimited amount of formula and end up weaning her themselves. I'd like for to still mainly be on breastmilk. And at least this way I can gage how much she'll actually need. But part of me thinks I am still trying to avoid the unavoidable. If I can just make it to six months at least then I'll be happy with that.

So when I was there picking her up today, this man walked in because he forgot to get his kids pacifier. He saw me holding Toni and she was all smiles as always and he said, "It's the laughing baby. She's always laughing!" hehe... that's my girl. Then after he left, the lady said (and I assume she was referring to him but she may have been referring to another parent) that when he/she (she's filipino so I don't know if she said she referring to him or another parent) came to pick up their son that the son was just straight faced. No smiles no nothing and that's how it is everyday. But that it's Toni that always smiles and laughs (the silent way) instead. hehehe... I swear. My baby is such a happy baby and thank God for that! So I made the comment to the lady that she's such a happy baby and she said, "well of course! She's breastfed!" I don't know if that really has anything to do with it or not. Maybe because she's so healthy? I don't know. And I thought, and here I am starting to have to supplement her with formula. Then she proceeded to tell me that she breast fed both of her sons until age 2. WOW! How the heck. And she said they are very intelligent (which there are studies saying that breast fed babies on average tend to have higher IQs than non breast fed babies) and that one graduated at a private school in the PI from his Kindergarten class validectorian. I asked her if she ever had problems with milk supply and she said none (bitch... just kidding!). But then she said she was a stay at home mom for 8 years and never worked until both her kids were in school. See, and I really think it's because of work that my milk supply is down. Not that it's stress or whatever. But it's because I can only pump twice a day and that's not what her feeding schedule would be like had I stayed home. And since I'm not pumping enough times during the day at work, my body thinks it doesn't need to produce as much even though I am trying to empty out each time I do pump. I'm sure my work wouldn't say anything if I pumped more often during the day, but really. Who would do that (especially at a new job)... take a 15 minute break every 2 hours. I guess I could make it work but it's also timing. What with meetings here and there. Yeah... so I'm sure that's why my milk supply is not adequate enough. It makes me sad... but I'm accepting it. So I'm not TOO sad. haha...

So here I am Thursday night and excited for Friday and the weekend! Means tomorrow night I can sleep in. And then it dawned on me. Pre-baby, sleeping in to me meant sleeping until 11, 12 maybe even 1 in the pm. These days, sleeping in means sleeping until 8. Sigh... guess that's parenthood. But I'm so sleep deprived and used to getting up early that still, not having to get up until 8am is still a treat! I'm guessing this is how it's going to be for quite some time. Maybe as she gets older, I will be able to REALLY sleep in but something tells me not. Oh well. I am jsut going to accept that too.