So Toni's appetite has gone back to normal... at least for the last two days. SO I'm thinking maybe she did just go through a growth spurt. I'm not sure. She's not 6 months yet but maybe that is just a time frame? Or will she still go through it again in a couple of weeks. Did she grow? I think so. She feels a bit heavier and she can wear some of her six months clothes now... even though they are still a bit big, she can wear them. I'm still having to do the midnight and 3am pumping sessions, but at least she hasn't needed to supplement with formula... so far.
Definitely she is developing as a person! She soooo curious that she cannot sit still. Diaper changes are unbelievably harder and sometimes almost impossible because she is twisting and turning in all sorts of directions to see what's around her, what she can grab, what she can put in her mouth. About they only time she is still is if she's tired or sleeping and when she is intently studying something or somebody. She's a little silly too. One time I was trying to change her diaper on the bed. There is this big picture of the NYC skyline with the twin towers above our bed. She did this head roll to where she was on the top of her head and her back slighty off the bed so that she could look at the picture that was above and behind her. I, of course, wasn't too crazy of the position she put herself in as it just seemed like she could hurt herself. So I bring myself closer to her face to see if she's ok and she had this huge smile with a look on her face almost as if to say "i wanted to see how you would react." Little stinker! haha... it was pretty funny so i laughed and she did too... silently of course. Still tough to get her to laugh out loud at any time although she DOES do it!
The other day my cousin Kathy (acutally another family friend I grew up with, so... cousin) emailed me to tell me about her thoughts on one of my blogs. Hope you don't mind Kathy. IT was about the one with the lady that breastfed her kids for two years and how I felt I couldn't pump more at work because I felt like that was taking too much time from job. Well she's been listening to this book on CD about parenting and was reminded that our (us mothers) first and most important job is raising our kids and that work and daycare are just alternatives to doing that. And so if I needed to pump more, then I should and shouldn't feel bad about it. That's really true! And I was thinking about it that night and I think how way back when, there was a time when common life was when the men worked and the women stayed home and raised the kids. Then somewhere down the line, us women had to prove that dammit we are smart enough and more than capable of doing a man's job. And it's great, it really is. I mean, it changed us as a society and as a nation... even almost as a world. But now I'm thinking, ok we proved ourselves. Can we go back to the way it was where women stay home to raise the kids and men work? You know, minus all of the belittling (sp?) of woman make me dinner, etc. But then I realize, there's no where or no one saying we can't do that and so it comes down to the way we live. How much does it cost to live how you want to live? And so, I think it's a big reason why most mothers and working mothers. Almost makes me feel bad because it's like, well what' mosre important? Living with these comforts or living with a little less so you can give your child more? But then again, aren't we working to give our child more? Maybe in some ways that differ than if we were to stay home. Bottom line, easier said than done. I'd love to stay home. I say it all the time. But there is just no way at this time. But maybe one day. Ahhh.. I dream of that day. I hope it comes.
So this past weekend when I was at Lisa's post baby shower, my aunt told me before we left to please come by the house sometimes so that Toni can get to know them too and it made me think (I seem to be doing a lot of that lately). Since my parents have passed and Junior's mom lives in Toronto, Toni has no grandparents here. Junior's aunt and uncle, though, have always been like parents to him and so they are kind of like Toni's grandparents. So we try to go there whenever we can because I want Toni to know her grandparents. But it never occurred to me that just because my parents passed didn't mean we were alone. I really did feel that. I mean I know I have relatives, but I was feeling (and on some level still do) that hey, we will have no help and we are on our own. And in lots of ways that is really true. And while it proves to be tough sometimes, I also am proud that we do it by ourselves. But I forget that Toni needs to know her other lolo's and lola's (grandparents). My mom's brother is still here and I never make it a point to visit them unless there is a gathering there. So when my aunt asked me to come over sometimes, I sort of realized that I was not allowing Toni to know her family. I don't know if that makes sense or not but it's my new mission. To try and give her equal exposure among family members. I do want her to know how big her family is and how much everyone loves her. It's how I grew up and it's how I've always envisioned my kids to grow up. SO, maybe this weekend I will try to do that. Cousins... if you are reading this make note. I may stop by. I'll call first of course!
You know, if I stayed home then I could probably do that more often and expose her to family more than just on the weekends! hahaha... ahhh.... I can dream can't I?
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
She's such a happy baby!
I Just love this picture! Don't you??? Such a great shot! Looks almost like an action short since they aren't looking at the camera. But they are actually looking at me, I just held the camera lower. Anyway, this is Toni with Aaliyah (3 years old) taken today at that new outlet mall off of 290. But let's start at the beginning of the weekend, shall we?
Saturday we went to a post baby shower for my cousin (well family friend, but we all grew up together so...cousin) Lisa. It was a post baby shower because she now lives in England with her husband Peter (who's a famous rugby player there... too bad we know nothing about rubgy here) and so she had the baby in England. So they all came down here for a visit so all of our family could see them. Her son, Makayan, is so adorable! Or as Len would say, "That is SO precious." I swear she said that at LEAST 50 times that day. Anyway, it's pretty cool how he got his name. Happens to be Anne and Lisa's mom's maiden name. Makayan Lupton. Pretty cool. Anyway, so it was nice to see Lisa after almost a year and see the baby. When we got there, all of the auntie and uncles (parents) were on a bit of a trip because here we all were, the former kids, walking in with babies. Lisa with hers, Kathy with her two kids, and then me with Toni. And that's just some of us. So Tita Baby (Lisa's mom) starts to tell me how she can't believe it's us now with the babies when it seems just like yesterday when she and all of our parents were sitting on the couch holding us as babies at these get togethers. And it is kind of cool to think that. I actually have that picture (somewhere buried in storage) of my parents and aunties and uncles holding us kids on their laps sitting in chairs and on couches. And here were are doing the same 25+ years later. Wow. It is pretty cool. Anyway, so everyone there is of course switching and handing off babies so we can all hold the other baby. Everyone that holds Toni always says, "She's such a happy baby!" And it's just really awesome that so many people say that. I mean I know she is and I don't need anyone to reassure me that she is. But it's still nice to hear it from others and not just a few people, but everyone. People from her school, parents of other kids, people at the store in line behhind me, people at church, relatives, friends... it's great. Not only am I proud that my baby is happy, but it almost makes me feel like hey... we've must have done something right she's so happy. Though I have to admit there is a small part of me deep down that is waiting for the other shoe to drop. In general, my pregnancy was relatively easy. The birth, I know I didn't get my epidural, but didn't last too long and was over with and I healed pretty fast according to the doctor (as I have nothing to compare to). Now I have this prefectly (knock on wood she's still developing) healthy, HAPPY baby. I have truely been blessed. And really that's an understatement. And so that SMALL part of me is almost waiting for something to go wrong. How horrible, huh? I just need to completely enjoy and be grateful for my blessings.
Today is my sister in law, Binky's, birthday WHO happens to be pregnant! I can announce that now that they have officially announced it too. She's still in her first trimester but is almost in her second. AND, they're having a girl!!! Let's just say that she already has a wardrobe waiting for her. Everything Toni grows out of will go to her. And it's fairly new, so it's still "in." haha! Anyway, so Junior, me and Toni meet my brother and his family and Binky's cousin Sherwin and his family at the outlet mall off 290. Shewrin and Maureen also have a newborn boy, Angelo, of two months and their daughter Aaliyah of three years. That's her in the picture with Toni. Toni just loves people! she's very social and Aaliyah was always playing with her. Thankfully I remembered to bring the camera with us today and was able to catch some snap shots. I forgot my camera yesterday so I didn't get pictures of Makayan. But I think I will wait until Anne and Lisa or even Len post some up on facebook or myspace and then I'll steal them. haha!
So anyway, while were at the mall let's just say Junior spoiled the heck out of Toni! Ok I did a little. They have the Carter's outlet store there so I got her some bibs and a dress. I only paid $17 for all of it! I love their clothes and bibs! Well while we were in the store, Junior saw this stuffed toy of a dog and it sings the abc's and moves it's feet. He played it and showed it to Toni and she really got a kick out of it! She reached for it with both hands with a huge smile on her face. But we put it back on the shelf and I think Junior felt bad. honestly, I think she forgot about it a minute later. So I go tell him to wait outside while I wait in the long line to pay. When I get to the register I asked the lady how much the dog was. The tag said $34 but since it is the outlet, I was curious to know what it was going for. She said it was $25 something. I don't think so. That is WAY to expensive for that. Her carebear was $15 AND it's interactive AND it sings three songs and not just one! So I didn't get it. But when I got out of the store, Junior was still wanting to get it for her. I told him to go ahead if he really wanted to, but she's already forgotten about it. And he agreed but couldn't get over her reaction to it. But he knew that getting it for her would really be for him. haha! So he didn't get it (even though he kept mentioning it throughout the rest of the day) but I think he made up for it in other ways. So we all go tot he foodcourt for dinner ans snacks and he decides to go to the Converse store to look for some shoes. Well he bought some, but not for him like he intended! He bought Toni her first pair of Chuck Taylor's in pink! Soo cute! I've never even owned a pair and neither has he. Then later, he goes to Starbucks to get me a drink and comes back with this little stuffed bear dressed as a pumpkin. Hahahaha! Good Lord this little girl is so spoiled and she doesn't even have a clue! haha!
So her appetite is still huge and I don't think there is anyway to keep up unless I quit my job and that definitely is NOT an option. but believe you me, if I knew there was a way we could be where we want to be and me not have to work and I would take that opportunity in a heart beat. So I think it's safe to say that the weaning process has begun. I predict that by the end of this year or at least early next year she will not be breastfed anymore. Although I am a little sad, I am accepting it more and more everyday and look forward to owning my body again and dropping this excess of 20 lbs dammit. haha... I need to look good by 30!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Holy smokes!
So I pick Toni up from school this afternoon and they have two bottles of formula made. Each bottle is 4 oz. That's weird b/c I thought I only gave them one 4 oz can. Anyway, they explain she had the last oz of breastmilk and they began feeding her the formula when she fell asleep. She was asleep when I got there. So she had about an oz of formula before she fell asleep. So I get home and duh.... the can's are 8 oz. Why did I think they were only 4 oz? And HELLO GAIL?! The cans are way too big to be 4 oz! I swear, sometimes I wonder where my head went. Well I'm sure part of it went right out the window as soon as I got pregnant.
Anyway, that's besides the point. I get home and naturally, she's hungry which I expected since she didn't finish. I really didn't want to give her that bottle of formula she started on but with formula, once you start feeding them they have to finish that bottle within the hour before it's bad. you can't re-refrigerate that stuff beyond an hour. I didn't want to waste it so I gave the last 3 oz of it which she downed no problem. Now mind you, formula is heavier than breastmilk and so babies (especially one's used to being breastfed) don't need to drink as much or as often since it keeps them fuller longer than breastmilk. So I'm thinking, she's done. Nope. She wanted more. I didn't give her the other bottle of formula since she hadn't touched that one yet. I'll save that for tomorrow since you can only refrigerate unused formula for two days. Another upside to breastmilk. It lasts longer. ANYWAY, again besides the point. I do ramble. Those that know me well, know I tend to ramble. SO moving on to my point...
I breastfed her after that and she really fed. I expected maybe she would just take a little and be good since technically she's already had 1 oz breastmilk and 4 oz formula but no. She was feeding like she had no formula. And she fed from both sides! Holy Smokes! She must have had at LEAST 8 oz there if not more! OK, so here I am wondering what the hell. I know her appetite grew but again, holy smokes! That's a huge jump. So then I start thinking... maybe she's in a growth spurt. But I really wasn't expecting that until 6 months and she's only 5 months. Well, technically she's 22 weeks so more like 5 1/2 months. Can they have their growth spurts a little early? There is NO way I am going to be able to keep up with her! At this rate, I'm going to get phased out in no time. :(
Oh yeah. So when I picked her up, I noticed they changed her clothes. When I got home to see what mess had happened (thinking poop got on her clothes) it was a little bit of formula. That is the other thing about formula I don't like. It stains like crazy. You have to treat that stain or wash it out before it sets in. And this was on one of her nice outfits. So I hope that the treatment I gave it wasn't too late. While I know formula will allow me a little more freedom, sometimes I hate it. hahaha! I wish I could just produce 8 oz each side each time I pumped like my sis in law said she did! I'm more like 3 oz on one side and 2 on the other. Blah. And that's good for me.
ANYWAY... so I have a bit of a dilemma. Toni is ready to be baptised. We just need to pick a date since we already took the classes. the dilemma? Well in my family, everyone usually has some sort of reception or get together after the baptism to celebrate. Well we were looking at where we could do this and of course, we could always go the Lucky Village route. So we looked into it and it's about $10 a person. So I create a rough guest list of JUST family and that list was 50 people! Again, HOLY SMOKES! I mean seriously. JUST family. I hadn't even considered our friends and the list was 50 people. That means $500! Now mind you, if money was not an issue (and when is it not?) then no prob. I'd even have it somewhere nicer and invite friends. But it is as we are not rich folk. The better solution would be to have it at home and just have food there... except we live in an apartment that will NOT fit 50 people. sigh... so it's bothering me that this is delaying her getting baptised because that's not what it should be about. But at the same time I can't get her baptised and not celebrate it either. This is a once in a lifetime deal... and a big deal at that. And I can't exactly cut the list either because that list is ALREADY the minimum. So... yeah. Not sure what to do. I wish I had a house. Sigh... all falls back to money again.
On a brighter note (and I need one b/c thinking about the lack of money really stresses me out), last night before I put Toni to sleep, I was walking around doing some things while holding her and Jake was following us. So Toni is watching Jake, and she starts trying to get his attention. So I stop and bend down to let her "play" with Jake. Well Jake, really, is just concerned about himself and getting a treat. And he knows that on some level good interaction with Toni gets him a treat. He always tries to kiss her to get a treat. Which was cute at first but now it's like, ew... don't kiss her! But that's really our fault. In the beginning he didn't even want to come close to her. But when he saw that giving her a kiss got him a treat, that stuck in his head til this day. So anyway, I'm bent down at his level with her in my arms facing him. And she is trying to talk to him and squealing. She's so excited by him. He, of course, is trying to figure out how to get a treat b/c I told him not to kiss her. So he's going through his list of tricks. Smart dog, but really self centered. haha... So here Toni is reaching out for him so I let her touch him and he's getting really excited... to the point where I think he started getting a bit too excited for Toni and her smiles and squeals started to turn into a cry. hahaha.. poor thing. But as soon as I backed her up a bit she was all smiles and sweals again. And today she was watching him eat and trying to get his attention again. She goes, "uhh... uhhh... (squeal)" and Jake pays her no mind. hahaha... I love that she's so into him but it's funny that he's so whatever. I wonder if he'll ever play with her. I'm sure that in time he will because really we barely play with him now. Poor puppy (he's not really a puppy at 11 years old, but he's our only dog and so he's still puppu to us. hehe). I feel bad sometimes that we don't pay as much attention to him and considering he's doing really well. I try to pay more attention to him at night after she's gone to bed. I always tell him, "This is your time pups." But lately with me getting up twice a night/morning to pump I don't stay awake to do that anymore.
I need to take an updated picture with Toni and Jake. Last and first picture they had together was when she was six days old!
Anyway, that's besides the point. I get home and naturally, she's hungry which I expected since she didn't finish. I really didn't want to give her that bottle of formula she started on but with formula, once you start feeding them they have to finish that bottle within the hour before it's bad. you can't re-refrigerate that stuff beyond an hour. I didn't want to waste it so I gave the last 3 oz of it which she downed no problem. Now mind you, formula is heavier than breastmilk and so babies (especially one's used to being breastfed) don't need to drink as much or as often since it keeps them fuller longer than breastmilk. So I'm thinking, she's done. Nope. She wanted more. I didn't give her the other bottle of formula since she hadn't touched that one yet. I'll save that for tomorrow since you can only refrigerate unused formula for two days. Another upside to breastmilk. It lasts longer. ANYWAY, again besides the point. I do ramble. Those that know me well, know I tend to ramble. SO moving on to my point...
I breastfed her after that and she really fed. I expected maybe she would just take a little and be good since technically she's already had 1 oz breastmilk and 4 oz formula but no. She was feeding like she had no formula. And she fed from both sides! Holy Smokes! She must have had at LEAST 8 oz there if not more! OK, so here I am wondering what the hell. I know her appetite grew but again, holy smokes! That's a huge jump. So then I start thinking... maybe she's in a growth spurt. But I really wasn't expecting that until 6 months and she's only 5 months. Well, technically she's 22 weeks so more like 5 1/2 months. Can they have their growth spurts a little early? There is NO way I am going to be able to keep up with her! At this rate, I'm going to get phased out in no time. :(
Oh yeah. So when I picked her up, I noticed they changed her clothes. When I got home to see what mess had happened (thinking poop got on her clothes) it was a little bit of formula. That is the other thing about formula I don't like. It stains like crazy. You have to treat that stain or wash it out before it sets in. And this was on one of her nice outfits. So I hope that the treatment I gave it wasn't too late. While I know formula will allow me a little more freedom, sometimes I hate it. hahaha! I wish I could just produce 8 oz each side each time I pumped like my sis in law said she did! I'm more like 3 oz on one side and 2 on the other. Blah. And that's good for me.
ANYWAY... so I have a bit of a dilemma. Toni is ready to be baptised. We just need to pick a date since we already took the classes. the dilemma? Well in my family, everyone usually has some sort of reception or get together after the baptism to celebrate. Well we were looking at where we could do this and of course, we could always go the Lucky Village route. So we looked into it and it's about $10 a person. So I create a rough guest list of JUST family and that list was 50 people! Again, HOLY SMOKES! I mean seriously. JUST family. I hadn't even considered our friends and the list was 50 people. That means $500! Now mind you, if money was not an issue (and when is it not?) then no prob. I'd even have it somewhere nicer and invite friends. But it is as we are not rich folk. The better solution would be to have it at home and just have food there... except we live in an apartment that will NOT fit 50 people. sigh... so it's bothering me that this is delaying her getting baptised because that's not what it should be about. But at the same time I can't get her baptised and not celebrate it either. This is a once in a lifetime deal... and a big deal at that. And I can't exactly cut the list either because that list is ALREADY the minimum. So... yeah. Not sure what to do. I wish I had a house. Sigh... all falls back to money again.
On a brighter note (and I need one b/c thinking about the lack of money really stresses me out), last night before I put Toni to sleep, I was walking around doing some things while holding her and Jake was following us. So Toni is watching Jake, and she starts trying to get his attention. So I stop and bend down to let her "play" with Jake. Well Jake, really, is just concerned about himself and getting a treat. And he knows that on some level good interaction with Toni gets him a treat. He always tries to kiss her to get a treat. Which was cute at first but now it's like, ew... don't kiss her! But that's really our fault. In the beginning he didn't even want to come close to her. But when he saw that giving her a kiss got him a treat, that stuck in his head til this day. So anyway, I'm bent down at his level with her in my arms facing him. And she is trying to talk to him and squealing. She's so excited by him. He, of course, is trying to figure out how to get a treat b/c I told him not to kiss her. So he's going through his list of tricks. Smart dog, but really self centered. haha... So here Toni is reaching out for him so I let her touch him and he's getting really excited... to the point where I think he started getting a bit too excited for Toni and her smiles and squeals started to turn into a cry. hahaha.. poor thing. But as soon as I backed her up a bit she was all smiles and sweals again. And today she was watching him eat and trying to get his attention again. She goes, "uhh... uhhh... (squeal)" and Jake pays her no mind. hahaha... I love that she's so into him but it's funny that he's so whatever. I wonder if he'll ever play with her. I'm sure that in time he will because really we barely play with him now. Poor puppy (he's not really a puppy at 11 years old, but he's our only dog and so he's still puppu to us. hehe). I feel bad sometimes that we don't pay as much attention to him and considering he's doing really well. I try to pay more attention to him at night after she's gone to bed. I always tell him, "This is your time pups." But lately with me getting up twice a night/morning to pump I don't stay awake to do that anymore.
I need to take an updated picture with Toni and Jake. Last and first picture they had together was when she was six days old!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
The day has come
Today Toni was supplemented with formula. sigh.... and it begins. I've always kept a small 2 oz bottle of formula in her bag when I take her to school in case she runs out of milk and wants more. That's what that's there for. Today they had to give it to her and they claim she loved it. And I don't doubt that. She probably did. The lady at the school said it smelled, "yummy." ooook. It's formula. I don't know. To each is own. But I think I knew this was coming soon. I think I was trying to avoid the inevitable. So I've come to terms with it. I will continue to pump like I do, but will have formula there to supplement. So tonight after I picked her up I had to go buy some. I was going to buy the powdered kind and the nursery water b/c that is the more economical choice. But then I decided to get the ready made in cans just so I can give one 4oz can. I don't want the people at the school to see this unlimited amount of formula and end up weaning her themselves. I'd like for to still mainly be on breastmilk. And at least this way I can gage how much she'll actually need. But part of me thinks I am still trying to avoid the unavoidable. If I can just make it to six months at least then I'll be happy with that.
So when I was there picking her up today, this man walked in because he forgot to get his kids pacifier. He saw me holding Toni and she was all smiles as always and he said, "It's the laughing baby. She's always laughing!" hehe... that's my girl. Then after he left, the lady said (and I assume she was referring to him but she may have been referring to another parent) that when he/she (she's filipino so I don't know if she said she referring to him or another parent) came to pick up their son that the son was just straight faced. No smiles no nothing and that's how it is everyday. But that it's Toni that always smiles and laughs (the silent way) instead. hehehe... I swear. My baby is such a happy baby and thank God for that! So I made the comment to the lady that she's such a happy baby and she said, "well of course! She's breastfed!" I don't know if that really has anything to do with it or not. Maybe because she's so healthy? I don't know. And I thought, and here I am starting to have to supplement her with formula. Then she proceeded to tell me that she breast fed both of her sons until age 2. WOW! How the heck. And she said they are very intelligent (which there are studies saying that breast fed babies on average tend to have higher IQs than non breast fed babies) and that one graduated at a private school in the PI from his Kindergarten class validectorian. I asked her if she ever had problems with milk supply and she said none (bitch... just kidding!). But then she said she was a stay at home mom for 8 years and never worked until both her kids were in school. See, and I really think it's because of work that my milk supply is down. Not that it's stress or whatever. But it's because I can only pump twice a day and that's not what her feeding schedule would be like had I stayed home. And since I'm not pumping enough times during the day at work, my body thinks it doesn't need to produce as much even though I am trying to empty out each time I do pump. I'm sure my work wouldn't say anything if I pumped more often during the day, but really. Who would do that (especially at a new job)... take a 15 minute break every 2 hours. I guess I could make it work but it's also timing. What with meetings here and there. Yeah... so I'm sure that's why my milk supply is not adequate enough. It makes me sad... but I'm accepting it. So I'm not TOO sad. haha...
So here I am Thursday night and excited for Friday and the weekend! Means tomorrow night I can sleep in. And then it dawned on me. Pre-baby, sleeping in to me meant sleeping until 11, 12 maybe even 1 in the pm. These days, sleeping in means sleeping until 8. Sigh... guess that's parenthood. But I'm so sleep deprived and used to getting up early that still, not having to get up until 8am is still a treat! I'm guessing this is how it's going to be for quite some time. Maybe as she gets older, I will be able to REALLY sleep in but something tells me not. Oh well. I am jsut going to accept that too.
So when I was there picking her up today, this man walked in because he forgot to get his kids pacifier. He saw me holding Toni and she was all smiles as always and he said, "It's the laughing baby. She's always laughing!" hehe... that's my girl. Then after he left, the lady said (and I assume she was referring to him but she may have been referring to another parent) that when he/she (she's filipino so I don't know if she said she referring to him or another parent) came to pick up their son that the son was just straight faced. No smiles no nothing and that's how it is everyday. But that it's Toni that always smiles and laughs (the silent way) instead. hehehe... I swear. My baby is such a happy baby and thank God for that! So I made the comment to the lady that she's such a happy baby and she said, "well of course! She's breastfed!" I don't know if that really has anything to do with it or not. Maybe because she's so healthy? I don't know. And I thought, and here I am starting to have to supplement her with formula. Then she proceeded to tell me that she breast fed both of her sons until age 2. WOW! How the heck. And she said they are very intelligent (which there are studies saying that breast fed babies on average tend to have higher IQs than non breast fed babies) and that one graduated at a private school in the PI from his Kindergarten class validectorian. I asked her if she ever had problems with milk supply and she said none (bitch... just kidding!). But then she said she was a stay at home mom for 8 years and never worked until both her kids were in school. See, and I really think it's because of work that my milk supply is down. Not that it's stress or whatever. But it's because I can only pump twice a day and that's not what her feeding schedule would be like had I stayed home. And since I'm not pumping enough times during the day at work, my body thinks it doesn't need to produce as much even though I am trying to empty out each time I do pump. I'm sure my work wouldn't say anything if I pumped more often during the day, but really. Who would do that (especially at a new job)... take a 15 minute break every 2 hours. I guess I could make it work but it's also timing. What with meetings here and there. Yeah... so I'm sure that's why my milk supply is not adequate enough. It makes me sad... but I'm accepting it. So I'm not TOO sad. haha...
So here I am Thursday night and excited for Friday and the weekend! Means tomorrow night I can sleep in. And then it dawned on me. Pre-baby, sleeping in to me meant sleeping until 11, 12 maybe even 1 in the pm. These days, sleeping in means sleeping until 8. Sigh... guess that's parenthood. But I'm so sleep deprived and used to getting up early that still, not having to get up until 8am is still a treat! I'm guessing this is how it's going to be for quite some time. Maybe as she gets older, I will be able to REALLY sleep in but something tells me not. Oh well. I am jsut going to accept that too.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Selfish Mom
Yes, I have been feeling selfish lately. I'm already thinking about when I will wean Toni from breastfeeding. The thought of it gets me excited because I can hardcore diet (like i know how) and have my body back after well over a year. But then again, I feel sad because I'm taking away what's best for her and I can still give that to her. It's not like I am not able to. I am able to (sort of... I'll get to that). Plus I really do enjoy that time with her. It really is an indescribable bond. For me anyway. Which really, the best thing to do is to gradually diet and still breastfeed. hahaha... something I should have been doing all along. Ugh... easier said than done. Nursing makes me THIRSTY AND HUNGRY! Which makes sense since I'm burning calories. But then when I think about it, I don't feel that hingry after I work out. Thirsty maybe, but not so hungry like I do now. So now, I think it's all in my head and I need to get past that.
Anyway, in reference to my 'sort of'' comment there. Toni's appetite is growing like crazy! For a while there she was drinking about 12 oz while I was at work. Then lsat week it was up to 14 oz. So I'm having to get up twice during the night/early morning (I'm starting to think I blogged this already) to pump just to keep up so she has enough while at school. So last night I thought that I was finally ahead of the game. I already had 14 oz ready for her but I thought I'd pump again anyway as a buffer. Plus the pumping keeps the milk coming. I sent her to school with 17 oz and she had it all! Which is great! I'm glad she's eating more! Also makes me wonder if it's not enough. Or is she going through a growth spurt? She shouldn't for atleast another month. So here I am back at square one. I was only able to get 9 oz while at work. Can I get at least another 9 (preferrably 10) tonight? I don't know. And I have to admit. I am freakin' tired. Really tired. Having to get up or stay up until midnight to pump and then again at 3am and then again at 6am to actually feed her. Aye! So yes, another reason I would like to wean and can 'sort of' provide for her.
But I know it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I can do both breastmilk and formula. any breastmilk is better than none. I may do that. I just can't keep up. It's hard once you go back to work. I am able to pump twice during the day which is pretty good, but it's still no comparison to your own baby. I've even started taking Fenugreek which seems to help, but so far not enough. I don't know, maybe in a few days I'll be producing more and all will be good. I will just have to wait and see. I hope it does help produce more because I can't stress enough how freakin' tired I am. Actually a light bulb just went off in my head. They say when you lack sleep, your supply can lessen. Wow... now I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation! Ugh... I'll just take it day by day.
So about this Fenugreek... it has this smell. It smells bit like maple syrup actually. And no one really knows exactly how this vitamin is able to help lactation. But research thinks that it may have something to do with sweat gland. Fenugreek increases sweat glands and somehow is linked to the glands in the breast. Anyway, a side affect of taking the vitamin is that your urine and sweat tend to have a maple syrup-y smell. And it's true. While the smell of maple syrup is not bad, it's not exactly great for bodily odors. hahaha... it's weird actually. Seriously... the things women go through for their babies! Whatever it takes!
Time to pump!
Anyway, in reference to my 'sort of'' comment there. Toni's appetite is growing like crazy! For a while there she was drinking about 12 oz while I was at work. Then lsat week it was up to 14 oz. So I'm having to get up twice during the night/early morning (I'm starting to think I blogged this already) to pump just to keep up so she has enough while at school. So last night I thought that I was finally ahead of the game. I already had 14 oz ready for her but I thought I'd pump again anyway as a buffer. Plus the pumping keeps the milk coming. I sent her to school with 17 oz and she had it all! Which is great! I'm glad she's eating more! Also makes me wonder if it's not enough. Or is she going through a growth spurt? She shouldn't for atleast another month. So here I am back at square one. I was only able to get 9 oz while at work. Can I get at least another 9 (preferrably 10) tonight? I don't know. And I have to admit. I am freakin' tired. Really tired. Having to get up or stay up until midnight to pump and then again at 3am and then again at 6am to actually feed her. Aye! So yes, another reason I would like to wean and can 'sort of' provide for her.
But I know it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I can do both breastmilk and formula. any breastmilk is better than none. I may do that. I just can't keep up. It's hard once you go back to work. I am able to pump twice during the day which is pretty good, but it's still no comparison to your own baby. I've even started taking Fenugreek which seems to help, but so far not enough. I don't know, maybe in a few days I'll be producing more and all will be good. I will just have to wait and see. I hope it does help produce more because I can't stress enough how freakin' tired I am. Actually a light bulb just went off in my head. They say when you lack sleep, your supply can lessen. Wow... now I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation! Ugh... I'll just take it day by day.
So about this Fenugreek... it has this smell. It smells bit like maple syrup actually. And no one really knows exactly how this vitamin is able to help lactation. But research thinks that it may have something to do with sweat gland. Fenugreek increases sweat glands and somehow is linked to the glands in the breast. Anyway, a side affect of taking the vitamin is that your urine and sweat tend to have a maple syrup-y smell. And it's true. While the smell of maple syrup is not bad, it's not exactly great for bodily odors. hahaha... it's weird actually. Seriously... the things women go through for their babies! Whatever it takes!
Time to pump!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
My Internet Is Back!!
For some odd reason, our internet was down... and I found out when I needed to work from home nontheless! Anyway, 9/28 was kind a while back (considering) and Toni has new stuff already!
So fresh on my mind, her appetite is growing and I am having a hard time keeping up the supply! She is working me hard. I'm getting up twice during the night (early morning) just to pump some more so she has enough for school. And when I say enough, I mean JUST enough... to the point where I think pretty soon it won't be enough. So I'm in a bit of panic mode. I mean I know there is always formula and I can just use it as a supplement... and I know there's nothing wrong with that... but if I can just do breast milk, then the better. So I went to GNC and bought some Fenugreek vitamins. They supposedly help increase milk supply. Everyone I know that has tried it, swears by it. And all of what I read about it on the web says so too. So why have I never tried it before? Because throught the thousands of articles and forums I must have read through, I read ONE entry from a lady who said it made her supply stop! That ONE was enough to scare me off! Better not risk it right? Well a couple months later and here I am getting desperate. I figure, if I don't pump enough she's going to have to drink formula anyway. So I may as well give it a shot. I've been taking it since last Sunday and still no increase. So I'm thinking... great. I'm the one out of a million. But I know it may take a few days so I look it up while at work today. For most it takes 24-72 hours and then for some up to two weeks. So... maybe I'm a two weeker? All hope is not lost? And then... EUREKA! I figure out what the problem is... well maybe. The bottle says take 1-2 capsules a day. Everywhere I read online says that the vitamin bottles always tell you the wrong amount and that just 1-2 capsules a day isn't going to do jack! That if you have the 610mg capsules (which i do) to take at least 1-2 capsules THREE TIMES DAILY! Holy cow! So I've been taking them for no reason basically. But it made me a little happy because then I thought, GREAT! maybe it will work! Believe you me, I took more today. haha! And I am praying that I'm one of those 24 hour cases... or less! I read one lady doubled her amount! Oh man, please let that be me!
Anyway, on the topic of breastfeeding/breastmilk I have been wanting to blog about the craziness it has been making in the media lately. Ok, so obviously I am all for breastfeeding. Again, not there is anything wrong with formula feeding but in my opinion I think breastfeeding is best if it can be done. But there is a part of me that may be a little contradictory on it. While I think all babies should be breastfed if they can, I think that on some level it's a little weird... almost gross if the milk doesn't come straight from that baby's mama. Now, there are those cases where some women just are overflowing with milk and don't know what to do with it and they donate it to milk banks. Again... a little creepy. But then again, you have those premies who can really benefit from that allowing them to thrive... and so I'm all for that. But now here come the PETA folks who want to stop using cows milk in the Ben & Jerry's ice cream and replace it with human breast milk!? ARE YOU FREAKIN OUTTA YOUR MINDS?! GAAAARRRRROSSSS!!! I know, it probably is better for everyone and their health but I don't give a rats ass! You leave my cows milk in there or no more Ben & Jerry's for me!
Ok, then you have the whole Jamie Lynn Spears story about how she one, was breastfeeding in public and peoploe had a problem with it. I say to those people, Go F yourselves! I'm no Spears (of any kind) fan but breastfeeding is natural. It's how it's always been. Now I don't know the whole story, but unless she whipped her boob out for all to see what's the big deal? They have covers and concealing nursing shirts. So get over yourselves people. You were probably breastfed too. And then there's the story of her breastfeeding pictures leaking out... first of all... shame on her and her man for taking that to Wal-mart! DUH. That aside, does that really turn men on? I mean I know there are "breast men" out there but when they are feeding someone... really? Is it still a turn on???
OK, I'm done with my blog about breastfeeding. haha! Moving on to Toni!
So this past weekend was her second try at eating solids and she did so well!!!! Better that the first time! And she's so eager too! She already has the hang of the spoon goes in the mouth to feed. The only problem was I think it wasn't coming fast enough. That may be partly my fault b/c whatever didn't make it in her mouth or came back out I was trying to spoon back in and she was just like 'give me another spoonful now!' I'm sure this contributes to her increased appetite. Oh man... I feel like I'm not feeding her enough! I'm thinking of trying this weekend and the whole week after to feed her the cereal. See how she does. That might actually decrease my supply if she's not demanding it since she's eating cereal, but if these vitamins work hopefully it won't be a problem.
She has her full on giggle!!!! It's amazing how much happiness a giggle or a smile can bring! She doesn't always do it, but more so than before! I'm going to have to record her one time and post it here. It's hard to ever get her to do it again once you've stopped doing whatever it was that made her laugh. It's a hit or miss. But she always smiels real big like she's going to laugh no matter what. People say she's such a happy baby!
In her exersaucer/stationary entertainer... she can pull on the hanging toys now!!! There are three and when you pull them each one plays a different melody. Well one is this butterfly with a ring that was easy for her to pull. so naturally that was the first one. The second one is a catepillar and there is a tag at the bottom so she grabs that and pulls on it. The third one is tha hardest. It's a turtle and so it's round with tiny feet at the bottom. She FINALLY was able to grab it yesterday and pull on it! Junior and I were watching here and she was working really hard to do it. She even tried gathering all of them together to try and pull all of them. When she finally did it we got so excited and cheered that she kind of looked at us like, 'what happened?'
Her vocals are outrageous! At church I'm holding her in my lap with a toy for her to play with so she doesn't get bored and fussy. But she'll stare and observe at her toy before going, "AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......" and putting it in her mouth. Mind you the "AHHHH..." doesn't stop just because it's in her mouth. There is a reason why we sit in the cry room! haha!
She's more responsive to her name now. I used to think that it was just that she responded to my voice or junior's voice. But now I know that she responds to her name.... sometimes. hahaha...
She found my shadow the other day! I had her on the changing table and the light cast my shadow on the wall above her head. She kept tilting her head up and was laughing (the big smile laugh with no noise that is). At first I was thinking, what is she so excited about. There's nothing on that wall. Then I realized she was getting a kick out of my shadow. So now, I have to move my head and shake it all sorts of ways and she gets really excited... at my shadow. haha!
Her feet! Before she was starting to find her feet. It's full on now! She grabs those suckers all the time! And this morning she got some toes in her mouth!
She's enjoying her baths much more. She never disliked it but she usually just sat there really still. Well tonight she was kicking and the I think she liked the splashing b/c she kept doing it until the water drained.
So fresh on my mind, her appetite is growing and I am having a hard time keeping up the supply! She is working me hard. I'm getting up twice during the night (early morning) just to pump some more so she has enough for school. And when I say enough, I mean JUST enough... to the point where I think pretty soon it won't be enough. So I'm in a bit of panic mode. I mean I know there is always formula and I can just use it as a supplement... and I know there's nothing wrong with that... but if I can just do breast milk, then the better. So I went to GNC and bought some Fenugreek vitamins. They supposedly help increase milk supply. Everyone I know that has tried it, swears by it. And all of what I read about it on the web says so too. So why have I never tried it before? Because throught the thousands of articles and forums I must have read through, I read ONE entry from a lady who said it made her supply stop! That ONE was enough to scare me off! Better not risk it right? Well a couple months later and here I am getting desperate. I figure, if I don't pump enough she's going to have to drink formula anyway. So I may as well give it a shot. I've been taking it since last Sunday and still no increase. So I'm thinking... great. I'm the one out of a million. But I know it may take a few days so I look it up while at work today. For most it takes 24-72 hours and then for some up to two weeks. So... maybe I'm a two weeker? All hope is not lost? And then... EUREKA! I figure out what the problem is... well maybe. The bottle says take 1-2 capsules a day. Everywhere I read online says that the vitamin bottles always tell you the wrong amount and that just 1-2 capsules a day isn't going to do jack! That if you have the 610mg capsules (which i do) to take at least 1-2 capsules THREE TIMES DAILY! Holy cow! So I've been taking them for no reason basically. But it made me a little happy because then I thought, GREAT! maybe it will work! Believe you me, I took more today. haha! And I am praying that I'm one of those 24 hour cases... or less! I read one lady doubled her amount! Oh man, please let that be me!
Anyway, on the topic of breastfeeding/breastmilk I have been wanting to blog about the craziness it has been making in the media lately. Ok, so obviously I am all for breastfeeding. Again, not there is anything wrong with formula feeding but in my opinion I think breastfeeding is best if it can be done. But there is a part of me that may be a little contradictory on it. While I think all babies should be breastfed if they can, I think that on some level it's a little weird... almost gross if the milk doesn't come straight from that baby's mama. Now, there are those cases where some women just are overflowing with milk and don't know what to do with it and they donate it to milk banks. Again... a little creepy. But then again, you have those premies who can really benefit from that allowing them to thrive... and so I'm all for that. But now here come the PETA folks who want to stop using cows milk in the Ben & Jerry's ice cream and replace it with human breast milk!? ARE YOU FREAKIN OUTTA YOUR MINDS?! GAAAARRRRROSSSS!!! I know, it probably is better for everyone and their health but I don't give a rats ass! You leave my cows milk in there or no more Ben & Jerry's for me!
Ok, then you have the whole Jamie Lynn Spears story about how she one, was breastfeeding in public and peoploe had a problem with it. I say to those people, Go F yourselves! I'm no Spears (of any kind) fan but breastfeeding is natural. It's how it's always been. Now I don't know the whole story, but unless she whipped her boob out for all to see what's the big deal? They have covers and concealing nursing shirts. So get over yourselves people. You were probably breastfed too. And then there's the story of her breastfeeding pictures leaking out... first of all... shame on her and her man for taking that to Wal-mart! DUH. That aside, does that really turn men on? I mean I know there are "breast men" out there but when they are feeding someone... really? Is it still a turn on???
OK, I'm done with my blog about breastfeeding. haha! Moving on to Toni!
So this past weekend was her second try at eating solids and she did so well!!!! Better that the first time! And she's so eager too! She already has the hang of the spoon goes in the mouth to feed. The only problem was I think it wasn't coming fast enough. That may be partly my fault b/c whatever didn't make it in her mouth or came back out I was trying to spoon back in and she was just like 'give me another spoonful now!' I'm sure this contributes to her increased appetite. Oh man... I feel like I'm not feeding her enough! I'm thinking of trying this weekend and the whole week after to feed her the cereal. See how she does. That might actually decrease my supply if she's not demanding it since she's eating cereal, but if these vitamins work hopefully it won't be a problem.
She has her full on giggle!!!! It's amazing how much happiness a giggle or a smile can bring! She doesn't always do it, but more so than before! I'm going to have to record her one time and post it here. It's hard to ever get her to do it again once you've stopped doing whatever it was that made her laugh. It's a hit or miss. But she always smiels real big like she's going to laugh no matter what. People say she's such a happy baby!
In her exersaucer/stationary entertainer... she can pull on the hanging toys now!!! There are three and when you pull them each one plays a different melody. Well one is this butterfly with a ring that was easy for her to pull. so naturally that was the first one. The second one is a catepillar and there is a tag at the bottom so she grabs that and pulls on it. The third one is tha hardest. It's a turtle and so it's round with tiny feet at the bottom. She FINALLY was able to grab it yesterday and pull on it! Junior and I were watching here and she was working really hard to do it. She even tried gathering all of them together to try and pull all of them. When she finally did it we got so excited and cheered that she kind of looked at us like, 'what happened?'
Her vocals are outrageous! At church I'm holding her in my lap with a toy for her to play with so she doesn't get bored and fussy. But she'll stare and observe at her toy before going, "AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......" and putting it in her mouth. Mind you the "AHHHH..." doesn't stop just because it's in her mouth. There is a reason why we sit in the cry room! haha!
She's more responsive to her name now. I used to think that it was just that she responded to my voice or junior's voice. But now I know that she responds to her name.... sometimes. hahaha...
She found my shadow the other day! I had her on the changing table and the light cast my shadow on the wall above her head. She kept tilting her head up and was laughing (the big smile laugh with no noise that is). At first I was thinking, what is she so excited about. There's nothing on that wall. Then I realized she was getting a kick out of my shadow. So now, I have to move my head and shake it all sorts of ways and she gets really excited... at my shadow. haha!
Her feet! Before she was starting to find her feet. It's full on now! She grabs those suckers all the time! And this morning she got some toes in her mouth!
She's enjoying her baths much more. She never disliked it but she usually just sat there really still. Well tonight she was kicking and the I think she liked the splashing b/c she kept doing it until the water drained.
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