Mommy needs you more than you need her

Ok, maybe that's not totally true right now but I tell you it's how I feel. I really do like my new job and being back out there, but when I pick her up from daycare (and mind you I leave RIGHT AT 5PM with not a minute to spare) she's so chill. They say that the first day she cried and they figured she was looking for me WHICH they say is rare for a baby so young. Usually the younger ones don't really know what's going on yet and so they don't have that seperationg anxiety yet. I told them she's advanced. haha! I know, I'm biased but I'm telling you I really believe she is ahead by a month or so. The second day they said she cried less and was getting better and today even better. Which, by the way, she is doing much better with her eating! Thank God because I was worried she'd start losing weight! I want my baby to be chunky! She's still 100% at what she should be eating but today was significantly better. The director had to feed her herself and really cuddle her. She requested I send something, like a shirt, with my scent on it so when they feed her it will help. So yes... I guess she DOES still need me but when I picked her up today she was chill like it was no thing. I couldn't even get her to give me that heart melting smile. She just looked at me like she looks at just anyone. This is where you que in my crying. I was hoping she'd be excited to see me. And when we got home, I tried playing with her and I got her to smile and laugh here and there but nothing like before. Before it was instant. Now I have to work at it. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. I feel like this is a bigger adjustment for me than it is her. I told her today, "you don't need mommy anymore? Mommy still needs you." haha... oh my goodness it's making me tear up just thinking about it. I'm such a weak nut. I really, really, really wish I could stay home with her. But if I ever want to get a house for our family and future family, Junior's income alone will not sustain us all. Sigh... I never thought I'd be one of those who would want to be a stay at home mom but darn it... I am. I am looking forward to this weekend though. I can spend 24/2 with her. I want to cry now. I want to spend 24/7 with her. They say it gets easier, but it feels like it's getting tougher. haha... I'm not really laughing. I think they mean easier for her, harder for me. I need to work on that.