Continuation

Like I was saying on the 18th... we found her a daycare. Piece of advice for anyone expecting and planning to put their baby in daycare; if you haven't already found a place, start looking now! All the places we went to had waiting lists as long as until March! People told me this while I was pregnant and I didn't do it. Not because I didn't believe them, but I think I was sort of in denial. I think I was hoping that somehow we'd come across enough money that would allow me to stay home with Toni. Talk about denial, huh? Yeah... not quite. But we did luck out and find her a daycare. We looked at all the bigger name daycare/schools because one, we knew they had reputations to uphold and therefore would probably be better equipped, staffed, etc. Two, we wanted to take her somewhere she would be encouraged to learn and things. We didn't want to just take her somewhere where they would care for her and not do so much interacting and things. She maybe young, but it's still a vital period for them to absorb the first lessons of life. So anyway, there is this place nearby where we live. It looked just like all the other schools from the outside but we didn't check it out initially because it's not from a chain of schools like the other places. Turns out we ended up really, really happy with the place. It was just as clean if not cleaner, with interactment/learning encouraged, seperate rooms by age/development, personalized schedules, etc. Everything we wanted. As a plus, turns out the people that own the daycare were friends of my parents and were members of the church we went to for soooo many years. So that put me at ease some. Plus it has the security cameras and keypad too. So we lucked out.

But at the same time, I don't think I'm ready to leave her!!! Here I am about to start a new job and I should be so happy. I'm finally starting my career and using my degree! But I'm dreading having to leave her. I don't have much time left with her either. I know... I behave as if I won't get to keep her. ahhaa! But that's almost how it feels. I know this day had to come. I guess a small part of me is still in denial.

Here I am trying to finish this blog as Junior tries to feed her with a bottle... with me completely out of sight of course. It's not going well. Sigh.... I know eventually she'll take a bottle too but it sure doesn't feel like it and again, I don't have much time left to try and get her use to it. Maybe these are all signs that I should stay home with her. haha! I know... these are very common hurdles every mother comes across and also gets over. I think maybe a small part of me doesn't want to get over it though. I enjoy breasfeeding her now. The bond is... undescribable. Knowing she needs you just as much as you need her... that although were not attached anymore, we still kind of are. Poor Toni, I hope I don't become a smothering mother who can't cut the umbilical cord. haha! I should keep that in mind. But for now it's too early. She's still my baby!